True Blood - Hitting the Ground S3, E7

I know I missed a few True Blood episodes, but I have good reasons. The first one I missed because I was house sitting for a friend and she didn't have HBO (which should be a crime, punishable by jailtime.) The second episode I missed because I was busy arguing with my dad, missed half of the show and had to wait later in the week to watch. The THIRD time was because I was sick. Seriously I felt like death and could've used some "V" to heal up. lol

SO MUCH SHIT happened during this episode. Let me catch you up:

Tara was kidnapped by Franklin Mott because he was infatuated with her so much, he wanted to make her his vampire bride. He took her to King Russell Edgington's house, no less, whom hired Franklin to dig up the dirt on Sookie. While there, Bill walks in, sees Tara yet does nothing to help her even when she asks. Dick Sookie is found to be in Mississippi because she's staying w/crackhead Debbie Pelt's ex-fiance & Debbie of course, tells her new fiance, who happens to be Coot, head of Russell's werewolf security. You following me here? When Coot tells Bill his human is in Jackson, Bill flips out, attacks Coot & demands to know where she is. If she were in your ass you'd know.

Bill rushes to "save" Sookie, or to warn her to leave but of course, Sookie wants an explanation. Being that Bill is from the south, he just can't talk that fast, so they get ambushed by the King and his weres. The King witnesses Sookie fighting off a were with her "special" glowy hand power thing and wants to know what she is. So they all head back to Russell's mansion.

Here Sookie and Russell play quid pro quo with their questions for one another and poor Sookie doesn't know how to answer what she is, because she doesn't know what she is.

Sookie asks for Eric's help, because he is also in Mississippi (he found out that the King was responsible for killing Eric's human Viking family) but Eric refuses to help Sookie. Bill is sentenced to die by Lorena's hands as Sookie pleas for his life and for someone to save him. She is sent up to her windowless room and is locked in when she hears Tara's thoughts.

Tara is in a room nearby where she convinced Franklin to untie her so they could fuck like monkeys. He wants her to bite him (she's not a vampire) so she does and tears the fuck out of his neck. Smart move because now, she's warn him out AND got plenty of "V" in her system. She "tells" Sookie she will save her once daylight comes and the vamps are all asleep.

Daybreak comes and Tara beats the ever loving shit out of Franklin with a midieval morning star (google that shit) in the fucking head! She changes into servent clothes, then goes to save Sookie. They leave the mansion, but of course Sook can't leave without Bill. Tara's all "Fuck that motherfucker!" Which I'm down with, he wouldn't help her, fuck him! But Sookie goes to look for Bill and Tara tries to find a way out when she runs into Alcide, first as a wolf, then as a hot naked guy.

Sookie finds Bill, where he's being tortured by Lorena, in a barn, or stable, or servant house or some shit, goes to save him and is attacked by Lorena.

NOW here's what happened in THIS episode:

Bill saves Sookie from being drained by Lorena by wrapping a silver chain around her neck, then Sookie steaks the bitch and Lorena turns into goo. Bill isn't responding when Tara and Alcide rush in. While they are trying to figure out what to do, fucking crazy crackwhore Debbie walks in with a gun. Sookie distracts Debbie while Tara bull rushes her and knocks the gun out of her hands. Alcide picks up the gun then Coot walks in. Coot rushes toward Alcide, so he shoots the dude in the chest, sees that he's about to turn into a wolf, shoots him in the head. Well Debbie is freaking the fuck out now, but Tara & Sookie get Bill out of the building and into Alcides van, while Alcide talks his way out of the building, locking Debbie in, along with her threats to hunt him down. Foreshadowing

Sookie stays in the back of the van with Bill as they drive back toward Bon Temps. In a last ditch effort to save Bill, Sookie saws part of her arm open so he can drink her blood. Things go awry when Bill bites Sookie over and over. With it being dark back there, he can't tell he's feeding on Sookie, flips her over, bites her neck a few times and rapes her as she passes out from lack of blood. By this time, Alcide pulls over to take a piss and Tara opens the back of the van (I'd like to say it was more of a Box Truck) finds Bill on top of Sookie, he freaks out because he didn't know it was Sookie. Tara freaks out because Bill has just almost killed Sookie. So Tara throws Bills retarded ass out on the road, in the sunlight, but the mother fucker doesn't burn! (I think it's because of too much Sookie blood)

Tara & Alcide rush Sookie to the closest hospital where she rejects all blood given to her and slips into a coma. We learn that Sookie doesn't HAVE a blood type, and Tara is told to call Sookie's family and prepare for her death.

While Sookie is in her coma, she is greeted by Claudine (her fairy Godmother. I know this because I read the books.) Every one is dancing around, happy and carefree and Sookie wants to join in on the fun. Everyone scatters off when "the darkness" approaches, aka Bill. Bill walks into Sookie's hospital room and Tara is all "WTF?!" But Bill is really the only way Sookie can be saved, if she drinks his blood, so he feeds her some "V" and a while later Sookie wakes up. The first person she sees is Bill and screams at the top of her ever loving lungs.

Meanwhile, back in New Orleans, the King has persuaded Sophie Ann to marry him and Eric has her locked in a giant bird cage. He walks in with Sophie's human, Hadley, who also is Sookie's cousin. Eric wants to know why the Queen is interested in Sookie, why she sent Bill for her and the Queen insists he is absurd. Eric threatens Hadley's life if she doesn't talk, so he starts drinking. Finally, since Sophie wouldn't talk, Hadley does. She's so weak, she whispers into Eric's ear. Neenor, neenor, neenor! I know a secret! Eric is shocked, and pleased with this info, so he gives Hadley some blood to get better.

The King, Queen and Eric all leave and head to Shreveport, where Pam is being held hostage at Fangtasia by the magistrate. Russell goes all bad ass on the Magistrate, untying Pam from the silver chains & switching her place with the Magistrates all in the blink of an eye. Then Russell demands the magistrate marry he and Sophie Ann, then when it looks like they are done torturing the magistrate, Russell cuts the mother fucker's head off with a silver blade, sending him to his final death.

All the while this shit was going on, Jason is trying to become a police officer and thinks he is in love with Crystal Norris, from Hot Shot even tho she is engaged to her uncle cousin or something, and she blew him off when he came to her house with flowers. Poor dumb Jason. He wants to find out more about her, so he tries to get info from the guy they arrested for dealing drugs, but the guy wants Jason to bring him some crack before he'll talk. Jason goes to Lafayette for some crack, when he gets the call from Tara about Sookie being in the hospital.

I hope you can catch up on this season because it has been fantastic so far! In fact I need to go so I can watch it again! :)