I'm not going to waste your time with fancy flowery words about Terriers, the new Private Eye Drama on FX.  I had planned an opus comparing main character Hank Dolworth to everyone from Sam Spade to David Addison, and all points in-between.  Instead, I'm gonna give you the bare-knuckles facts on why you should jump in, and jump in now.

REASONS YOU SHOULD WATCH TERRIERS

1. Main Character Hank Dolworth - played by my by Donal Logue.  Long one of my favorite actors, I sometimes feel like Donal is my long-lost twin brother.  Logue has the market cornered on playing that certain cool shaggy underachieving laid-back genius slacker.  Hank Dolworth is no different. An ex-cop who drank his way off the job and out of a marriage, Hank is now an unlicensed private detective along with best friend Britt Pollack, played by True Blood's Michael Raymond-James. The two have a great natural chemistry, which is essential for a show like this to work.  

2.  The show is on FX.  Hello - Track Record???  FX is responsible for shows like The Shield, Rescue Me, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Damages, Justified, Nip/Tuck, Archer, Louie and Sons of Anarchy.  In the words of Logue himself:  "FX has a really good filter for stuff that sucks. They don't allow it to happen."   Terriers is created by Shawn Ryan (who created The Shield) and Ted Griffin, who wrote Ocean's Eleven.  That's a pretty great pedigree.  

3.  The show is about Private Detectives!!!!  Whether it's Sherlock Holmes, the Thin Man, The Maltese Falcon, Chinatown, Hercule Poirot or Monk I love shows about detectives.  Can't get enough of them.  Hank doesn't exactly out-pace Sherlock for brain power, but there's something about his unkempt tenacious everyman that I love, and you will too.  

4.  There are dogs!  Okay, there aren't any Terriers (that refers to an old term for detectives, who I guess are "dogged" about pursuing their cases), but the first episode features a cool bulldog, and I have it on good authority there will be more dogs to come.  You can't tell me that you wouldn't want to watch a show that a dog like that one.  Look at him!  You're already in love!  Admit it!!!




What else is there to say?  Terriers is on Wednesdays at 10 on FX (with several other encores throughout the week).  You can catch up On Demand, but it's not necessary to enjoy.  Just watch and be glad you did. 


   

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House 5.6 - "Joy"

When last we left House, he had just found out Cuddy was approved for adoption. Though these things usually take longer, it's TV, dammit, and we need some emotional payoff!

Cuddy goes to meet the expectant mom, and of everyone and their brother knows the poor girl will wind up in the hospital. (It totally overshadowd a good Patient of the Week segment, which included 13 and Taub buying cocaine, and 13 testing it and knowing the difference between good and bad stuff!)

Back to babies: poor Cuddy was so completely conflicted about what advice to give the mother, when it turns out the baby has undeveloped lungs, but not delivering NOW threatens the mother.

Of course, it doesn't help that House is being even more cruel than normal to her, trashing her ability to not only handle a new kid, but insisting she will give the child up within a week. Even though House was especially vicious (we find out why later), it was funny to see him throw baby-vomit on Cuddy's sweater and break her lamp, all under the pretext of a preview of what life is supposed to be like.

Well, it turns out the mom elects to deliver now (having "sacrificed" so much already), and the baby is going to be okay. But in the total stomach punch, the mom sees Cuddy with the baby (named "Joy,"), and decides she wants to do something right in the world, i.e.--keeping the baby. (I suppose a mother actually wanting to raise her own child might be laudable--though with this drug mama I somehow doubt it--but you'd think she could come to that conclusion BEFORE Cuddy all bonds with the rugrat and stuff.)

The last scene shows a devastated Cuddy at home, shaken beyond all measure in the nursery room she had so joyfully prepared. (Like how I threw in that pun there?) House shows up, trying to cheer Cuddy up by telling her there "other babies in the sea."

When Cuddy claims she's not going through this again, House tells her it's too bad, as she would have made a great mother. This sends Cuddy into a rage, since House spent all his time belittling her when she was getting the baby, only to turn around and say the opposite once she lost the baby.

I love House, but this is a totally fair point. However, we see that his actions were more than just preparing Cuddy. They were more than just adolescent jealousy. They were actual jealousy, as House and Cuddy start kissing! House immediately pulls away, either because he realizes it's wrong to take advantage of Cuddy in her emotionally drained state, or because he feels too vulnerable having bared himself, but the stage is set for next week! (Well, not next week, since we have that stupid election, but you know, in two weeks.)

One other House point: with the bizarre rain delay Monday night, there was some question whether they would finish it Tuesday, which would have meant a delay for House. As House is FOX's highest-rated show, I can't help but think that the FOX execs helped baseball commissioner Bud Selig make his decision. Considering what we got Wednesday Night: fine by me.

The Shield

I don't think I have ever written about The Shield. I watched the first two seasons in America, before I did movie and TV reviews, and then was in Canada for the next few years, where I didn't have access. I got my dad into the show, and we have been trying to catch up ever since. Well, for the first time in almost six years I caught up!

My dad and I watched last week's pivotal episode "Parricide," and then he stayed up late to watch the new episode at 10. I'm going to hold off full thoughts until the show ends in four weeks, but man, are they screaming towards the end. So many shows end with a whimper, but not the most underrated cop show of all time. When it's all said and done, The Shield has to go down as one of the two or three best police shows of all time, but I will wait until then to say more.

One of the cool things about having TV again is watching promos and getting excited. I mean, how much of your love for shows like 24 is due to the great promos? (This is completely the opposite of the end-of-show “next week” promos, which give half the episode away.)

Anyway, I have long been a champion of FX, which I consider just a step below HBO in terms of quality programming. The 5 Networks are many steps below that, at least in terms of average. When I first got TV the FX promos were for Dirt, which starred Courtney Cox as a Tabloid Magazine editor. Tons of sex and sizzle here, but I think the show was set up inherently flawed, and therefore forced to rely on gimmickry just a few episodes out of the gate.

The next big promo was for “The Riches,” which seemed to be about a family who is pretending to live the life of rich people. The previews definitely make it look like a comedy, sort of out the TRADING PLACES vein, one of the best comedies of the ‘80s and still eminently watchable. (By the way, this was only Eddie’s second movie, after 48 HOURS, when he was so small that he wasn’t title billed. Go back and watch Eddie; you can totally predict his rocket ascent.)

I didn’t catch the premiere of The Riches (Monday nights at 10 on FX, with several Encores through the week), only because I saw no compelling reason to watch a comedy rip off of TRADING PLACES. But last night I caught one of the encores just to see what was up, and whoa!

First off, it’s NOT a comedy. Oh, there are plenty of funny moments, but call The Riches more of a tragedy, at least the first episode. We begin with Eddie Izzard, and as Troy McClure would say, “It was the part he was born to play, baby!”

Izzard, playing Wayne Malloy, is walking down a high school hall way with his two daughters as they quiz him on year book facts. Wayne gets most of the “facts” wrong on who was voted Best Smile, most likely to succeed, etc. They get to the entrance of the gymnasium, looking over name tags of who didn’t make the 25th Class Reunion. Selecting one, the three enter, with Wayne Mallow now transformed.

Wayne works the room effortlessly, like he just stepped out of WEDDING CRASHERS, while his two daughters help liberate purses and wallets. Wayne gets so into the moment that instead of discreetly getting away (where his son has the RV waiting), Wayne gets up to make a speech!

I tell you the truth: never have I wanted to have a family more, just so we could go on the road as con artists.
If this were the show, over the top dark comedy, I might well have softened my original stance and gone for it. But when the family picks up mom Dahlia from Prison (played my Minnie Driver, in one of those roles written to tempt big movie stars into doing TV), The Riches takes a complete 180.

First off, Dahlia has drug/alcohol issues, and that’s the highlight. Then the family returns “home,” to a band of white gypsies living out in the sticks of Mississippi or Alabama (or one of those “inbred” states, we’re led to believe), in a scene three steps left of DELIVERANCE.

I would have been offended at the crass portrayal of white trash, but these people were so many leagues below white trash that it went from gross caricature to other species. So unbelievable was the scene (basically homeless people who live in R.V.s, and roam the land scamming people), that I’m tempted to think it’s actually real. It can’t be, but it made me want to believe.

True to the tribal nature of this meeting, the clan is “led” by an ogre of a man, cousin to Dahlia, and perhaps he wishes to be more than cousins? (If that very notion offends you, know this: it’s the least offensive notion in this part of the show, yet somehow the whole thing works. I have no idea how.)

Wayne, though, Wayne was meant for better things. Escaping with stolen money, an improbably accident leads the family to see two rich people dead off the road. (The dead guy is called Doug Rich.) Regular people are called “buffers” by the white gypsies (which I’m calling them until someone gives me something better), for reasons I’m not entirely sure of. Buffers between the gypsies and what?

Anyway, all of this leads the Malloy family to the Doug Rich’s new house, where it turns out (in a SHOCKING plot twist!) that no one in rich mansion land has met the dead guy or his wife. At this point you can figure out where they are going.

I have no idea if The Riches is going to keep up the Comic-Tragic (or is it Tragic-Comic?) tone, but that’s what kept me hooked. It was just utterly bizarre. Like nothing I’d seen in some time. In a way it reminded me of the first season of Six Feet Under, you know, before that show got so full of itself and depressing that it became virtually un-watchable.

Here’s the thing: since I have no idea where they are going, I can’t recommend the full season yet. But I absolutely must demand that you watch this first episode, at least if you are a fan of intelligent drama. The series is exquisitely acted, and if you think I gave away lots of plot twists, I didn’t. There is plenty in the pilot to savor.

You can watch the pilot over at AOL Television by clicking this link. If you do it today you can catch episode two tonight at 10:00, or catch one of the replays (tonight at 11:08, Wednesday at Midnight, Saturday at 10:00 or Sunday at 11:00)

I’m curious what people think of this pilot, whether they are too offended for words, or intrigued with the possibilities, so check it out and let me know what you think.

MovieHype00657 – RESCUE ME

You want to know how big my balls are? My balls are bigger than two of your heads duct-taped together. I've been in the middle of shit that would make you piss your pants right now. Uptown, downtown, Harlem, Brooklyn. But there ain't no medals on my chest, assholes, 'cause I ain't no hero. I'm a fireman. We're not in the business of making heroes here. We're in the business of discovering cowards, 'cause that's what you are if you can't take the heat. You're a pussy, and there ain't no room for pussies in the FDNY.

-Tommy Gavin, to a new group of recruits

Welcome to the third installment in our series, “TV Shows You Need to Own on DVD.” Previously we’ve looked at Firefly and Deadwood, works that no serious fan of the Audio Visual Arts should be without. Today I bring you another: Rescue Me.

While NYPD Blue and Law & Order pretty much ignored 9/11, Rescue Me is the first TV show to go straight at the heart of what it means to live in post-apocalyptic New York. I don’t mean to suggest the show is all about terrorism or grief or even the day the towers fell. It’s not. But when Rescue Me takes its bow, Tommy Gavin (wonderfully played by Denis Leary) is a firefighter trying to hold it together. His “truck” (what the various fire houses are called) lost several people on that fateful day, including Tommy’s cousin and best friend. Now Tommy is a borderline alcoholic with a failing marriage and so much anger it could explode at any time.

Oh yeah. And dead people, the ones he couldn’t save? They talk to him.

In no way is this a Six Feet Under or Dead Like Me or Touched by a Fire Hose. Denis Leary plays is straight, which is both endearing and at times infuriating.

To my knowledge there has never been a successful show about firefighters. Of course everyone loved BACKDRAFT, but that was action driven. In Rescue Me, we actually get to hang out with the firefighters, see what makes their world go around. A great deal of it is boredom, but it’s the nervous kind. They want something to happen, but when it does, lives can change in an instant.

Leary (who’s the executive producer and wrote some of the episodes) clearly loves firefighters. His charity work in the Boston and New York area for different fire houses is well known. He gets them. But make no mistake: this is not a puff piece. You realize how heroic these guys are, but you also see how human and frail and weak they can be too.

We’re almost inside the minds of firefighters, and we see their ultra-macho image, and what might happen if anything were to mess that up. You can imagine how a girl firefighter would be received in a fire house. How about a gay firefighter?

It’s strange, but I found these characters much more likable that they were just superheroes. To call them super takes away from the bravery they must show every time they suit up and run into a burning building. Wisely, the creators don’t just give us action scene after action scene (one shudders to think of Michael Bay directing), but when those scenes do come they are intense and scary.

Season 1 of Rescue Me is virtually flawless, and Season 2 (just out on video this week) is if anything better. There is a good deal of language and adult subject matter, and I would not let anyone under 16 watch. But this is television at its very best, and you need to watch it. Go ahead and rent Season 1. I bet you zip through the 13 episodes in two days, and you’ll go ahead and buy both seasons.

And you won’t be sorry.

JAW-DROPPING TV MOMENT #1

Managed to watch a little TV last night. Some truly jaw-dropping moments.

Did you see Lost? How cool was the idea of Hurley standing there with his static-filled radio over his head, like in SAY ANYTHING?

And that ending?????? With no warning??????? Easily the most shocking forty seconds in Lost history. One hit after another after another. I cannot wait until next week.

JAW-DROPPING TV MOMENT #2

A special House last night, the end of a two-parter. Maybe now Omar Epps will finally get some Emmy recognition. (By the way, my sister claims that he has the scariest eyes on television when they bug out. Agree? Disagree?)

The two-part episode was top-notch all the way through, including a very vulnerable and off his game House, feeling guilty over sending Forman to the cop’s place. The ending again, was so abrupt, and totally sets up Cameron down the road, out of guilt and also her love of sick people.

(You’ll notice I’m going out of my way not to reveal plot lines in case any of you haven’t seen these yet.)

Seriously: is there any doubt that House and Lost are the two best shows in TV right now?

JAW-DROPPING TV MOMENT #3

Around 2 a.m. I happened to catch this show called “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia,” about four people who own a bar.

[AT THIS POINT, MOVE TO THE NEXT POST IF YOU’RE EASILY OFFENDED.]

In the episode I saw, news comes down that a grade school gym teacher of two of them (Mac and Charlie) has been accused of sexually molesting boys back in the ‘80s. Charlie goes running out upset, which causes Dennis and Dee (brother and sister, in the middle there) to think he was molested. They then spend the rest of the program arguing over the best way to get Charlie to acknowledge this.

It turns out Dee majored in Psychology, but failed all her classes, while Dennis minored in Psych, and passed all of his. However, Dee points out that, “three quarters of a major is a lot bigger than a whole minor.”

(Since when is failing all of your classes considered “three quarters” of anything?) The end result is a horrible family intervention, where Charlie’s mom tries to get him to point out where on a baby doll the gym teacher touched him.

Of course—in the only conceivable way you could film this—the gym teacher is innocent, and Charlie is actually upset because he knows the accusers (two brothers), and tries to stop them from “cashing in all on the molestation law suits.”

Meanwhile, Mac (on the far left)—who went to the school too—is very upset at these charges as well. Those two brothers were quite ugly, and Mac can’t figure out how they were molested (and apparently Charlie too, or so he thinks), and Mac wasn’t!

I still haven’t even gotten to the jaw-dropping moment. You’re gonna want to sit down for this.

Mac goes to the gym teacher’s house wearing tight shorts and a tank top, and starts talking about how much he’s worked out and groin pulls. The gym teacher is a big fat guy who somehow looks pretty good for a big fat guy, all natural like. I couldn’t help but think that I knew him from somewhere, and then it hit me.

The gym teacher was Mr. Belding!!!!!

I almost fell out of my chair. How could this be? And he was saying all sorts of swear words too. Unbelievable.

I hate pointing this out every time I talk about adult humor, but you all know (or should know) my stance on molestation. (If you don’t please take the time to read columns #300 and 352. Please. They’re just about the best I’ve ever written. Go do it now.)

That said, I do think that anything can be funny in certain situations, and I have to admit this was hilarious.

Plus, maybe Mr. Belding will be back!