I made a whole bunch of notes while watching last night's Chuck, Heroes, and My Own Worst Enemy. However, I'm not convinced anyone is interested in my thoughts other than me, and rather than waste my time writing up all the impressions, I'll just leave it at: they done good.


World Series sucked. Tim McCarver should be forced to retire.

What's the best night for TV on television? That's hard to say. Everyone knows about Thursdays, and Sundays--especially adding HBO and Showtime--might get the nod, at least for adults. However, if you ask what's the best night for Television on one network, it would be hard to argue against NBC's Monday Night Lineup. I don't see anything that even comes close.

Before the night even started, a grave announcer told us about the three shows we would be seeing that night (Chuck, Heroes, My Own Worst Enemy), and then they showed us that it was Mohinder Suresh from Heroes! He even said "...because things sound more impressive when I say them like this." Good times.

Chuck 2.4 - "Chuck Vs. the Cougars"

First of all, I want to apologize to Michael Strahan (and NBC), for decrying the stunt casting of having Strahan guest-star on Chuck when he just got a new gig on NBC's Sunday Night Football. Actually, Strahan is on FOX.

Oops. My bad.

I think I was quick to find fault because in general I don't like stunt-casting. It feels gimmicky, and takes away from the characters I love, which is the main reason you watch a show like Chuck. (It's not like you're hoping for an Alias-like techno-thriller.) So, when I saw that Nicole Richie was a guest-star, I got nervous. However, if you didn't know anything about what she was before, I think you'd have been perfectly fine with Miss Richie's performance. Her husband (played by Fred Savage's younger brother Ben) wasn't quite as good. I think that probably is my bias again.

When it comes to the Savages, you either grew up with Fred on The Wonder Years and The Princess Bride, or you grew up with Ben on the monstrosity I like to call Boy Meets World. Guess which camp I fall into? When Sarah meets Nicole Richie's character, in her fake Frozen Yogurt shop, it turns out it's someone from her (real) past. This prompts Chuck to say,

"Of all the semi-tart Asian-influenced frozen yogurt shops in all of town....."

That cracked me up. Anyway, the episode involves Sarah having to go to her 10th High School Reunion. Boy, that gave me pause. I look at people like Sarah and Chuck, and I just assume they are older than I am. but Sarah's 10th Reunion was from 1998, four years after mine! That made me feel ancient. There were several very clever high-school "homages," let's call them. One involved the names. Nicole Riche's character was Heather Chandler, from the movie HEATHERS, while Ben Savage's was Mark Ratner, who, you will recall, was the movie-theater geek who loved Jennifer Jason Leigh's character in FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH.

Other homages included several extended sequences from GROSSE POINTE BLANK (itself about a ten year high-school reunion, and by the way, go see that movie if you haven't yet), and some that looked straight out of CARRIE.

The music took me back too. There was MmmmBop by Hanson, The Backstreet Boys, that Dawson's Creek song, and--in the best move--Prodigy's Smack My Bitch Up, all while Sarah and Nicole Richie's character are in full-on girl fight. How can you ask for more than that? You just can't.

Heroes 3.6 - "Dying of the Light"

I meant to write about Heroes last week (the "Angels and Monsters" episode), then decided to wait until this week and fold all my thoughts into a column. Which, didn't happen. I suck. However, last week's episode was one of the best ever, and this week's did not disappoint. The two things I want to write a column about, which in my opinion elevate Heroes from typical genre fare, are the mythic nature of what we're seeing, and the family relationships. Boy, how that's coming home to roost. For three seasons we've wondered what was the deal with Peter and Nathan's father. Now we're seeing some of that come together. AND HE'S PLAYED BY THE IMMORTAL ROBERT FORSTER!!!!!

Still not sure what Papa Petrelli's power is, but it makes total sense he can steal other's powers, since Peter and Sylar are his sons. I so can't wait for the reunion/fight between Mama Petrelli and Papa Petrelli. I know some people have been upset at Peter seeming to veer toward the dark side, while Sylar tries to become good, but I think that's all part of the plan.

Think about it for a minute. These powers are like Apotheosis. In other words, these people have become unto like gods. That kind of power has to be very tempting, in all sorts of ways. That kind of power has to tap into our best instincts, and our worst. It is consistent, the way I understand it, that some Heroes would be temped to the Dark side, and some Villains would try to find redemption.

Think about any of the classic mythology tales. Basically those folks are humans with god-like powers. How many of them do good all the time? How many are purely evil? Are they not tempted like the rest of us? And why would powers make that any less the case?

Anyway, I am digging this Villains arc they're on. I like the interplay between what's good and what's evil, and I don't need my villains to always wear dark hats and stay in their cage. It doesn't bother me in the slightest that Sylar might try to change. This show works as metaphor much more than as real. You watch it as real, but obviously can't delve too deeply (or it would fall apart). I don't have a problem with that. Most of the world's greatest literature has always worked the same way; involving ourselves on multiple levels.

As far as characters go, I usually spend half my time annoyed to pieces at about half the characters. For me the last year that's been Claire, who is so whiny and ungrateful I would shoot her (if it would do any good), and Matt Parkman bores me to death too. Not to mention which, who is watching Molly with Parkman in African and Mohinder completely unhinged?

I continue to love Hiro/Ando, especially the comic relief stuff. I totally called last week when he stabbed Ando as a set-up. Some of the one-liners were hysterical, like when that speedy chick Daphne sends Hiro and Ando after the African precog (who can paint the future), but warns them.

"That's the trouble with pre-cogs. They see you coming."

Then when Ando sees one of the paintings on the rock of Hiro, he quips, "Ah, they all look alike to me." Hilarious! That was topped only by Hiro searching after the African pre-cog, going, "Mr. African Ee-sak?" I guess you have to know Hiro for that to be funny.

Whatever funk Heroes might have been in, they definitely have their mojo back. I desperately need to write a big column about it, for new people. If you don't watch Heroes, and happened to stumble in, GO BACK TO THE BEGINNING! You won't be sorry.

My Own Worst Enemy 1.2 - "Hummingbird"

I was going to do my very best not to make a cheesy analogy here, but with the title of tonight's episode, I feel I have no choice? When it comes to MOWE, much like a cheap hooker, I'm in all the way, and very quickly at that. I keep waiting (hoping?) this show will suck, but the first two episodes were fantastic.

Tonight might have been even better than the pilot, mostly because "Edward" performs the "Hummingbird" on Henry's wife (in case you're new, Henry and Edward are split personalities, so the poor wife didn't realize), and after Henry objected, apparently they did something even dirtier! Anyone who doesn't know the Hummingbird, well, I just feel sorry for them. But I'm kinda wondering what the "even dirtier" thing is.

So, in the first episode we learned that Edward is a remorseless secret agent for some unnamed secret government agency who--for unknown reasons--had an alter identity--"Henry"--put in his brain. Henry lives his normal (to him) life, complete with wife and kids, and whenever the agency needs him, "Edward" is reactivated. Except, the problem, is that Edward/Henry's chip is malfunctioning, and you never know which personality will appear. This means normal confused Henry popping up during missions, and confident Edward popping up (literally, I guess) in bed with Henry's wife.

Got that? It's not nearly as confusing as it sounds, but it's Hell-cool.

In this episode Henry continues to be obsessed with figuring out what has happened to him, not content with the idea that he's a manufactured personality only 19 years old, and fake at that. Henry pours through old family movies, trying to connect with his past, only to learn that most of it is fake. We see the show through Henry's point of view more than Edward's, so even though Henry might be the construction, our sympathies are with him. Then again, Henry is a bit of a whiny baby. Edward seems more interesting--in and out of bed--in every way.

Also cool: we see more of Mike O'Malley, another agent with a manufactured personality. I wrote last week that I am a fan of O'Malley, but usually he plays funny. Here he plays straight, grim even, and he's fantastic at it. We also met the big boss, at least the biggest so far, played by super-asshole (at least on screen) James Cromwell. If anyone can lend instant dignified menace, it's him.

What can I tell you? I wasn't looking for a new show to like, and I have never been a fan of Christian Slater, but I am totally liking My Own Worst Enemy so far. My advice is to take 90 minutes and catch up on the first two episodes (nbc.com, hulu.com, imdb.com). I think you'll be glad you did.

My brother was down for my sister's birthday, and we got to watch our first episode of Heroes together, and talked at length (along with my sister) on the whole "Villains" concept. However, I realize I never wrote up all my extended thoughts on Heroes last week, so I think I will save both for a column on Monday. (And if I forget, someone hold my feet to the fire!) A word about last night's episode.

"I Am Become Death"

I don't know if I ever will get over the sight of Sylar in an apron cooking waffles! That was just pure comedy.

Speaking of Sylar..... Some people are bothered by Sylar's quick-and-easy transformation. (And by the same token, Peter/Nathan/Sylar's mom, Angela.) I'm saving most of my ideas on "Villains" for later, but let me just say this: Both Zachary Quinto and Christine Rose are appealing actors, and more importantly, they are both playing interesting characters. Anything that gets us more screen time of them can't be a bad thing. (As for the back-and-forth nature of good/evil, JUST WAIT!)

Other parts of the episode..... How is it that Hiro can't use his powers in that Prison, but Peter can? Also, while I'm on Hiro, remember that "future" where Hiro and Ando were fighting, and Ando had that hella-cool fire/energy ability? How do we know that Ando was bad and Hiro was good? Just sayin'.....

I loved the Peter/Sylar confrontation in California. I wish we could have seen much more of that, especially when the others got involved. I was confused how Peter ended up back in the slab, but I'm wondering if part of that was the "future," and part of that was the "future" that Matt Parkman saw. Speaking of which....

The Matt Parkman story is really bothering/boring me. I'm not a hater, but why is it he sometimes has a near omnipotent super-power, and other times seems like the biggest weenie? Why couldn't he just read the spirit guide's mind?

(Alternatively, a cool revelation would be that each special person has a "block" that makes them weak, or unable to use their ability, or makes it difficult. Sort of an evolutionary yin/yang kind of thing. We already know Nathan is susceptible to the seduction of power, whereas Peter gets too involved in causes, and Claire selfishness is astonishing. I guess that doesn't really hurt her. It just annoys me.)

Again, I don't want to seem like I'm hating. I did enjoy this episode, and the little things that bother me (like: how did Maya lose both her accent and her naivete in 2 days) you just have to let go.

I was going to talk about last night's episode of Heroes in the broader context of discussion on the first two seasons, but I think I will hold off on the longer stuff for a few days. In the meantime....

Episode 3.3 - "One of Us, One of Them"

The best part of last night's episode was (easily) the Hiro/Ando stuff. Whenever their scenes are lighthearted I just eat it up. The heavy stuff can be good, too, but it's never my favorite. Hiro seems particularly taken with Daphne, who Hiro calls his "Nemesis."


Hiro seems vexed that Daphne isn't taking the Nemesis role very seriously, like when he tells her,

"You're telling us your secret plans? What kind of over-confident Nemesis are you?

Ando is less threatened by Daphne (not surprising, with his thing for blondes), causing Hiro to admonish him,

"She's trying to divide us! It's villiany 101!"

I have no foresight into where they're going, so this is just a shot in the dark, but I'm betting Hiro's consternation might be because he likes Daphne too, which could spell a feud down the road. We'll see.

In other developments, Peter falls for the oldest trick in the book. Actually, I wrote that in my notes, and I don't even remember what it means! (I suck.)

Well, let's get to the part I do remember: Sylar and Mr. Bennett, as partners! You can totally see them heading for a big fight like Eddie Murphy and Nick Nolte in 48 Hours, except of course, Sylar is an invincible killing machine.

Still, Sylar's New York accident was sweet, as was Mr. Bennett warning him to stay away from the bad guys with powers:

"...and don't go anywhere near that buffet!"

I have many more thoughts on the third season of Heroes, but they are tied in to the arc of the seasons, and it really is a bigger article than I intended, so I'll save it.

Bottom line: totally solid episode. Lots of fun.

Last night's TV.....

Chuck - Another winner. I am seriously digging this show. I I'm not as high on the blond girl; sometimes she's hot, sometimes not, but Adam Baldwin makes up for it, and for some reason I like Chuck's sister, even though she bothers me. I like it how Chuck uses his nerd skills to solve the Spy Crises, like last week infecting a bomb with an internet virus and this week pretending he was playing a helicopter video game. I look forward to seeing which lame nerdy thing he does each week.

Heroes - Maybe (probably) it was me, but I just couldn't get into this episode. It seemed flat and slow, and while I generally appreciate stories that take their time with the storytelling (especially if the character development is good and they are building toward something), I felt like there was much more that I was missing. I can barely even tell you what happened. I'll try to catch a replay on nbc.com and absorb it all, as Heroes is often best appreciated the second time around.

Journeyman - I got rudely interrupted a third of the way through this, and since I can't give feedback on the show...I have a little bit of advice for all you out there who need rides (completely out of thin air): When you call someone in the middle of a show and ask for a ride, that's one thing. I mean, work ends when it ends, and that's not necessarily your fault. However, it is then your job, and really your only job, to be waiting for them to come pick you up at the spot where you get picked up, not wander over to somewhere else, because there is plenty of time. The person in question might be in a hurry, maybe perhaps trying to get back and watch a favorite show, and might now appreciate waiting for 7 minutes in the car outside your work and feeling like a fool. Just a thought.

Later my sister and I went to Wal Mart for some late night grocery shopping. I love grocery shopping at night so much better. No one bothers you. There are stock people and pallets to navigate, but it's so peaceful. We had a run in with one of the employees, but I have been sworn to secrecy, so I can't report that incident. (At least tonight.) I mention the shopping, however, to highlight (or lowlight) that I missed the incredible play-in game between the Padres and the Rockies that went all the way until the 13th inning! I feel like such a chump. I hope ESPN classic has that baby up soon.

[Note: every year I run "What to Watch" columns, detailing what's new and notable in Television. For Fall 2007 I split the reviews, assessments and recommendations into five nights (Monday through Thursday and the Weekend). This is Monday]

Last year I knew there was a strong possibility I might have to flee my home and go on the run. Yet despite that knowledge, I (quite selflessly) watched every new show I could to bring mini reviews to you. I got no love for this, except from Neil Kramer, and Lord knows if he was being sarcastic, and I vowed not to kill myself for you haters again.

But there I was last week, feeling ashamed of myself. Though you may not show your love in comments (or even readership), I know that many of you count on me to watch the new shows and give you my take, trusting in my keen eye and sharp judgment. I tried to run from my responsibilities, but like Paul McCartney's soon-to-be ex-wife, I'm not running anymore.¹ There are 25 new shows this fall, and who's going to watch them and report back to the folks: you? I don't think so. That's why there's me.

However, instead of doing this all in one massive 10,000 word column, I have broken it up by nights. Each day I will tackle that night's viewing on the main networks (ABC, CBS, CW, FOX and NBC), reviewing the new shows, steering you to what is good, and what to avoid like a hooker with crabs.

A few general notes before we begin:

If you've been reading me for awhile you're well aware that I consider some of the cable shows (especially HBO and FX) to be generally far superior to anything on network fare. This is true. I will continue to bring you reviews of shows you should rent like you would movies. But network TV doesn't suck right now. It's in somewhat of a golden age, with many fine programs to fit every niche. This season may not be as strong as some in years' past, but there are still intriguing new shows worth giving a try. Don't tell me TV's a waste of time. If you are too busy, fine, but there is great art being made out there, if you know where to look for it.

TV on DVD may be the greatest invention of the 21^st century, and for the HBO shows, I definitely recommend it. However, for the network stuff, you lose the immediacy and the "now" factor of tomorrow's water-cooler buzz. Tivo can help, although it can also be a trap. Another great avenue is watching the programs online. All five networks offer many of their shows on their websites, and with far fewer commercials than you'd catch on TV. Especially if you're a couple of weeks late, consider catching up. After all, it's not like you're actually working, right?

I don't watch Reality TV. If that's your thing, great. Find reviews somewhere else.

Shockingly, the best two pilots so far have been on the CW. I know! I feel so alien watching a show on them, but I go where there are quality things to watch, no matter what's stuck to the floor.

I have more notes, but I will parcel them out over the next five days. Let's get rolling! (New shows in Bold.)

Monday Lineup on the 5 Networks:

ABC – Dancing With the Stars; Samantha Who? (October 15); The Bachelor
CBS – How I Met Your Mother; The Big Bang Theory; Two and a Half Men; Rules of Engagement; CSI Miami
F0X – Prison Break; K-Ville
CW – Everybody Hates Chris; Aliens in America; Girlfriends;
The Game
NBC – Chuck; Heroes; Journeyman

from worst to best….

CBS - How I Met Your Mother; The Big Bang Theory; Two and a Half Men; Rules of Engagement; CSI Miami

New Show – The Big Bang Theory
The universe has not yet reached a large enough size to contain all the awful of this show. The concept: two nerds (combined IQ: 340) with virtually zero social skills, and a hot but stupid girl who moves in next door. Trust me: hilarity does not ensue. I was actually chuckling at the end, but only because it was slightly less awful than before, which by comparison seemed like a Dave Chappelle special. I have never gotten into How I Met Your Mother or 2 ½ Men, but if this is the level of comedy, I am so glad.

New Show – Rules of Engagement
It wasn't until I finished the season premiere that I found out that this time-filler debuted in March, so technically I did not need to watch it. There's 23 minutes of my life I'm not getting back. Kaida and I disagree over David Spade; she thinks he sucks in all settings while I think he can be funny in the right situation, but the argument is not solved, as Spade is boring here. Putty from Seinfeld plays Putty, and there's a reason he never got a spin-off with Newman. I suppose (and this is a big suppose), that there are guys who would identify with these dudes, trapped in relationships, talking "real" about women, but this is CBS's version of hip and edgy; it's like they are drawing an animal they have never seen.

CBS Overview – I like my comedies a little edgier and without so much lame, and you couldn't pay me to watch Horatio Caine, so I won't be back.

ABC - Dancing With the Stars; Samantha Who? (October 15); The Bachelor

New Show – Samantha Who? (premieres October 15)
Christina Applegate awakens from 8 days in a coma with total amnesia. Surprisingly, she used to be a total bitch. Can she make amends? Sounds suspiciously like My Name is Whore. (Too Far, Amy. Too far.²) I'll hold off judgment until the show actually airs, provided I can stomach the idea of watching a Christina Applegate show.

ABC Overview – Dancing with the Bachelor has never been my cup of tea. Next.

CW - Everybody Hates Chris; Aliens in America; Girlfriends; The Game

New Show – Aliens in America (Premieres October 1)
A Wisconsin woman sends away for a foreign exchange student to make her 16 year old geek more popular. She's hoping for a dashing Scandinavian but instead gets a Muslim from Pakistan. Hilarity ensues.

CW Overview – I really like Everybody Hates Chris, and the Aliens in America at least sounds like it might be interesting, or gawd-awful, either of which would be a good reason to watch, but I have my Monday night dance card already filled. As for the 9 O'clock hour, let's just say if MLK were still here he'd be marching on Somewhere demanding justice.

FOX - Prison Break; K-Ville

New Show – K-Ville
I have to admit, when I heard they were making a show set in New Orleans, I was ambivalent. On the one hand, the city could desperately use the attention, and I have always been a huge Anthony Anderson fan. On the other hand, there are so many ways this could be propaganda, or worse, schlock. The show started early, so I just now got to the pilot (on fox.com), and Wow! I was very impressed. The first scene featured a black cop running out on helping people during Katrina, and the very next scene had a black woman buying a new car that, "…only cost me two FEMA checks." Say what you will, that's ballsy. The show itself was understandably gritty, but major points for how hard they were trying. Anderson is a tortured soul trying to hold his city together, in a Jack Bauer sort of way.³ Cole Hauser is his partner, and in case you're interested in checking it out I won't say any more than that. If for some reason you're not into Heroes, K-Ville might well be worth your time.

Fox Overview – I gave up on Prison Break years ago; last I checked, they're back in another prison! Fox has been replaying stuff on Friday nights, so I may try to keep up with K-Ville, if only for Anderson and to see where they take it. New Orleans has not yet recovered, and anything and everything anyone can do to remind America of that fact can't but be a good thing.

NBC - Chuck; Heroes; Journeyman

New Show – Chuck

Total Nerd and social misfit suddenly finds himself as the holder of every government spy secret we have, although he doesn't know that he knows it, and even when he finds out, he still doesn't know what he knows. Think Alias meets John Doe. The pilot (which, if you didn't watch last week you simply MUST go to nbc.com and catch up) was fresh, funny, sweet and instantly likable. I watched it with my mother and sister, calling Kaida every commercial to say "OMH!" (Oh My Hyperion.) Both Kaida and Jerrica aver that Chuck is super hot, both in character as the nerd and off-screen, while I'm more impressed with Adam Baldwin on board, so beloved as Jayne in Firefly. I like the hottie girl, sort of a rich man's version of Ben Stiller's wife. (I'd look up her name, but I might accidentally seen Ben Stiller, and that I try to avoid.) You simply have no excuse not to try out such a charming winner of a show. Seriously, folks, it's time to be up with Chuck, to be upchuck. (Or I could have said get on the Chuckwagon.)

New Show – Journeyman
Kevin McKidd (Lucius Vorenus in Rome, if that means anything to you), plays Dan Vasser, a newspaperman who starts journeying back in time to various points in his life when he falls asleep. This is a problem, not only because he's time travelling, but because he "disappears" from present-time, causing his wife and job to think Dan's on drugs. (He shows back up two days later, wearing the same clothes and filthy. What would you think?) In the first episode, Dan journeys to several points in his life and keeps running into the same random stranger, making him eventually realize he's supposed to affect that man's life somehow. That he'd figure it out—and that this would probably happen every week—was a foregone conclusion for me and not that interesting. What was intriguing—at least potentially—is that Dan's own past is so haunted. He let his fiancé get on a plane that crashed, something that has torn him up ever since. (She's played in the flashbacks by Moon Bloodgood, which is not only one of the coolest names of all time, but one of the hottest actresses ever. Kaida didn't think so, but she's a hater.) Anyway, Dan want so badly to tell her and keep her from dying, but he has a wife (also hot) and kid back in our time! Furthermore, the flashbacks reveal that his wife used to be his brother's girlfriend, and if that's not enough, it would seem that his dead (or maybe not) fiancé is also travelling through time. If reading that tired you, imagine watching it. I can't say I was bowled over impressed by the dense plotting or the grim tone of the pilot episode (available on nbc.com), but since I'm firmly NBC's bitch on Monday nights I'm willing to give Journeyman a few more trips down memory lane to see what they have cooked up.

NBC Overview – As the previous sentence indicates, Monday on NBC has become the go-to appointment viewing night for me. Along with Chuck and Journeyman is the second season of Heroes. You may recall that it was I who told you about Heroes last year, before I had to go away to the Outlaw Camp. In fact, if you love the show, you owe me cash. However, because of my exodus I did not get to watch the show as I would wish. It was not until 7 minutes before 8 last Monday that I finally caught up with all the episodes. (What a weekend that was!) Kaida watched the evening's shows too, but didn't watch the DVD of Heroes to catch up (because she hates me and wants me to suffer), and she found the Season 2 premiere tough to follow. I have to agree. They should have done a good bit more to introduce what was going on. They had to know that because of the buzz many new people would tune in, and if you didn't know why Hiro was in Japan, you'd be lost. That said, I still loved it. I'm renaming Monday Night "the Casbah," because NBC rocks it!

Up tomorrow: Tuesday, you idiot. Seriously: do I have to spell everything out for you?

Hyperion
October 1, 2007

Notes
¹ Because she lost her leg…
² In one of the Thanksgiving episodes of Friends, Christina Applegate plays Rachel's sister Amy. The two get into a fight because Rachel doesn't want her sister if she and Ross were to die. Amy is furious and spits out, "And your baby isn't even that cute!" Everyone sucks in their breath and Ross steps up and says (very very seriously): "Too far, Amy. Too Far." Kaida and I use that joke all the time (mainly when she's mean to me), so when I made a joke punning Christina's new joke with My Name is Earl, I thought it was a good double-dub reference.
³ Even though he drinks on the job and abuses suspects at will, we trust him because he's a good guy. Some day I'm going to write a scholarly article about the propaganda of shows where the no-nonsense cop tramples the fourth amendment to fight crime. But not today.

I continue in my quest to watch every new show I can and review them for you....


TV is under a real renaissance, is it not? It is getting so that a person can barely have any life at all. You come home and there is just so much to watch! (Except Friday and Saturdays: they suck.)

Now, I know what some of you are thnking: get a life.

Fine, fine. Feel free not to watch TV. But wipe that smug expression of your face. TV at its best is high art, and some of the best art in the world is right there in that box each evening. Of course, an awful lot of crap is in that box too.

That is why you have me! I am here to give you the rundown on each of the new shows. Now, some of you may not have my taste (read: you suck), but I have tried to craft these reviews to explain what the program is like so you can figure out whether 'tis for you.

First, the ones I have recently covered:

VANISHED (Mondays on FOX)
Senator’s Wife is kidnapped; twists and turns ensue. I abandoned this after one episode.

STANDOFF (Tuesdays on FOX)
Hostage negotiators, starring the guy from Office Space. I really enjoyed the first two episodes with a breezy tone dominating rather than total tenseness, but I wonder whether the show can continue to be interesting over the weeks, and with more shows coming on board, do not know if I will hang.

JUSTICE (Wednesdays on FOX)
Very entertaining so far, with a behind-the-scenes look at a high priced defense firm. I am a huge Victor Garber fan, and I love the supporting cast so far. I also like how at the end they show you what actually happened. Wit LOST coming soon I doubt Justice stays on my radar, but I sure have enjoyed it so far.

Studio 60 ON THE SUNSET STRIP (Sundays in Canada, Mondays on NBC)
The best of all the new shows I have thus seen, and the second episode was better than the first. I cannot recommend this show highly enough. Behind the scenes of a Saturday Night Live-type show, Studio 60 is funny but really is a drama. You can already pencil in an Emmy nomination for Matthew Perry, and I bet a Best Drama nomination too (among many others). This is the show. Last night’s episode included a musical number with the term “Intellectual Reach-around.” If you cannot get into a show that uses the term “Intellectual Reach-around,” you and I are just very different people.

Here are the new shows, in a generally improving trend. (Make sure you read until the end, for the last review premieres tonight!)

BROTHERS AND SISTERS (Sundays on ABC)

Calista Flockhart as a conservative TV pundit. If you can believe that, you can probably buy the show. Actually, I do can make it even simpler than that. Brothers and Sisters airs right after Desperate Housewives. If you can still stomach that show, this is probably right up your alley.

Maybe I am too harsh. The story of a grown up family of brothers and sisters (and of course mom and dad and even a screwy uncle) is riddled with a talented cast. Besides Flockhart, there is Rachel Griffith, Tom Skerritt, Ron Rifkin and Sally Field. Maybe it will get better, but I’m guessing one time through is enough to let you know what you are getting.

BOTTOM LINE: Go ahead. I doubt I will be joining you.

JERICHO (CBS)

Could not sit through it. You are on your own.

SHARK (Thursdays on CBS)

My mom called this before the second commercial break: “House in a Courtroom.” Well, not exactly, but close enough.

James Woods is the prototypical “Shark” Defense lawyer. He gets his client off for Attempted Murder on the client’s wife. That night…wait for it….the man actually kills the wife.

Nine months later Woods is in a tailspin, his guilt not allowing him to practice law anymore. Luckily, the mayor shows up. Tired of rich people getting away with murder in L.A., they are starting a new “high profile crime” unit, and guess who the mayor wants to lead it?

The lawyers assigned are all misfits; washed out everywhere else. Then there is the D.A. (Jeri Ryan, no longer smoking hot but still very pretty), who resents this shark in her waters.

BOTTOM LINE: If you like Law shows, definitely worth a look. Otherwise, it depends on whether you like procedurals, Woods, or Six Degrees.

SIX DEGREES (Thursdays on ABC)

New York is a city of 8 million we are told (actually closer to 17 million, but let that pass for now). In this…behemoth of a city, several people’s lives connect in eerie ways. As in an “only in a TV show where someone is writing the script” sort of way. It was kind of cool to see Erika Christensen again, although she always looks so different. The show stretches credulity to an eye-rolling degree, but then again, pretty much with all TV you have to do that.

Again, let me help you out: Six Degrees comes on after Grey’s Anatomy, and I am guessing if you like the one, you will like the other. I am not comparing the two, quality-wise, but they are somewhat similar in tone.

My favorite part was arguing with my sister over whether a man had good intentions to his girl. Bridget Moynahan (who is no longer so young; more on that another time) asks her boyfriend to marry her. He says yes, but then she finds his picture on a singles website. His explanation is that the office interns did it as a joke. Yeah right. No way would he not tell her about that. She is distrustful and sets up a “meet” with a perfect girl. He shows up, only to have a ring (which he was denied giving her when she asked him).

At this point, my sister counted coup, believing that her faith in the man had been borne out. Only in the last two seconds do we see I was right all along, and that was one sweeeeeeet gloat, my friends.

BOTTOM LINE: Worth a look or two if you are not done watching TV after CSI or Grey’s (or, uh, even Deal or No Deal).

KIDNAPPED (Wednesdays on NBC)

The other kidnapping show, this one takes the old Law & Order time slot. 800X better than Vanished, I was super impressed by the pilot.

Part of it may be the cast. The always delicious (and one of the top five hotties over 50) Dana Delany is married to Timothy Hutton, looking decided middle aged. Add to that Jeremy Sisto (the dude from CLUELESS who was missing his Cranberry CD), my main man Delroy Lindo and….Bubba Gump! (without the lip thingy). I know: awesome.

The deal is that Timothy Hutton and Dana Delany are rich people…rich people with secrets! (Dun Dun Dun!) Their son with a heart problem is kidnapped. They call a K&R guy (Sisto) to get him back. Unfortunately, the FBI gets wind of matters, and they get involved too.

The problem with the FBI getting involved with a kidnapping case is that they not only want to secure the return of the hostage, but catch the perpetrators. This can contradict with returning the kid. Thus the conflict.

BOTTOM LINE: I have not seen every last-hour time-slot show on Wednesday yet, but so far, this one is a winner.

SMITH (Mondays in Canada, Tuesdays on CBS)

I am not saying we have the second coming of Tony Soprano, or even the anti-heroes of The Shield, but I will say this: I do not think Network TV has ever had a show that followed actual bad guys.

Oh yes: actual bad guys.

This “crew” is not all Ocean’s 11. More like HEAT. In the first episode, people get killed. Security guards and people who keep one of the bad guys from surfing! (You gotta love a dude who would murder over beach rights.)

The main bad guy is Ray Liotta, and his wife is played by Virginia Madsen, the woman from SIDEWAYS with the super-sexy voice. The money to front the operations comes from Shohreh Aghdashloo, who some of you may know was nominated for an Oscar in THE HOUSE OF SAND AND FOG, and some of you may remember as the hot mom terrorist in Season 4 of 24.

BOTTOM LINE: I am a little worried that some of the supporting characters may be a bit blah, but I am so excited to see actual bad guys on a network TV show, that I am going to be watching Smith as long as I can.

HEROES (Mondays on NBC)

Remember the first 10 minutes of the original X-Men movie, before the school, the spandex, and the spiffy one-liners? When we were just moving around the world watching people, outcasts really, trying to come to terms with their “powers”?

That is NBC’s new Sci-Fi show Heroes. (At least the first hour, in what I should warn you is a cliffhanger. I was quite set up when NBC sent me the pilot for preview purposes, but a tad miffed when it just started going good and the dreaded “To Be Continued” appeared on screen.

But I suppose it should be accounted a good thing that I was drawn in, eh? The theory, not really explained in more than a psychobabble intro, is that the human genome project has revealed that with just a fraction of mutation the next step of human evolution is right around the corner.

I know what you are thinking: can Wolverine be far behind? I have no idea where they are going with this, but I gather it will be more “ordinary people do extraordinary things” than nicknames that sound like American Gladiator tryouts.

In the first hour, we meet our presumable protagonists. One might be able to tell the future. One can break every bone and have it heal almost immediately. One can…uh, talk to herself in the mirror. And one—who has to be everyone’s initial favorite—can bend the fabric of space and time, which translates to teleportation. His first test: a woman’s restroom at a crowded nightclub.

See: you like him already.

And if you are not convinced, what if I added that the kid is chubby, nerdy, Japanese, convinced he is the second coming of Spock, and unlike everyone else who seems to be freaked out by these new discoveries, honestly cheerful and cool with it all.

I told you he was cool.

A show like Heroes is obviously contrived, but no more so than CSI. (C’mon: do you really think science nerds solve all those crimes? That show is as much sci-fi as BSG, and if you think the techies do collect evidence with their perfect hair hanging everywhere….) NBC does not have a great track record with Sci-Fi. In fact, the last show even approaching Sci-Fi was the Misfits of Science. (Anyone old and cool enough to remember that? Just me, huh?)

Heroes will work if the characters have some sort of chemistry and if the storylines feel important enough but not too self-important, all while avoiding too much X-Men cribbing. Already there are some plot lines that seem darkly interesting, but only time will tell.

BOTTOM LINE: Along with Studio 60, Heroes makes Monday night potentially the most interesting on TV.