CSI 9.4 - "Let it Bleed"

A solid but not spectacular episode of CSI. Frankly, Halloween in Vegas? I expected more. The cases were nothing special, except it did lead Catherine to find her underage daughter in a club. The club owner was so familiar to me, and I tried to place him all episode. I just now looked him up: he was the soap opera star that House loves, and I think he was on Sex and the City.

Anyway, the most interesting part of the episode is that one of the murder victims was the daughter of a Cartel kingpin. This resulted in anyone who had thing-1 to do with her death getting shot in the head, including the Cartel guy's own sister, who raised the girl! Unbelievable viciousness, but I guess that's how you keep people in line. (Something to remember when I take over Iceland.)

Also: Warrick has been gone, what, three weeks? New CSI Riley is already fitting in like a three year vet. What's up with that? Wouldn't they resent her being there? Shouldn't there be more friction? At least a catfight? That's all I ask.


LIFE ON MARS

ELEVENTH HOUR


I watched neither in prime time, and realized the only reason I was going to try desperately to "catch up" is to review the episodes. Frankly, I haven't gotten one single comment on either show, so I don't see the point. Unless there are silent readers out there into either of these shows, I'm down with them.


I did spend the 10:00 hour watching and old House with my mom. It was the one where the patient (Mira Sorvino) is trapped in Antarctica. That is a fantastic episode, by the way, in case you ever get the chance to see it. It also made me realize. In case I don't get to take over Iceland, Antarctic, I mean HypeironLand is just waiting for me.

Congratulations to the Phillies on winning the World Series. It would have been nice to see Tampa Bay win, but all I really wanted was a 7 game series. That did not happen, but at least at least they made us work for it!

Of the first four games, three of them were competitive, coming down to the final out. Philly won three of them, but I didn't think the Series was necessarily over. Then came that crazy game 5...


Which ended up with a 46 hour rain delay! I mention this because tonight we got a three and a half inning game. I have to say: how awesome was that! There was tons of drama. Every at bat seemed to matter, every runner might score. Every pitching change was dramatic. Can't ask for more than that.

Best of all: the whole thing only took 80 minutes! I bet a lot more people would watch baseball if they could do that. I realize they won't, but for one night, pretty cool.

House 5.6 - "Joy"

When last we left House, he had just found out Cuddy was approved for adoption. Though these things usually take longer, it's TV, dammit, and we need some emotional payoff!

Cuddy goes to meet the expectant mom, and of everyone and their brother knows the poor girl will wind up in the hospital. (It totally overshadowd a good Patient of the Week segment, which included 13 and Taub buying cocaine, and 13 testing it and knowing the difference between good and bad stuff!)

Back to babies: poor Cuddy was so completely conflicted about what advice to give the mother, when it turns out the baby has undeveloped lungs, but not delivering NOW threatens the mother.

Of course, it doesn't help that House is being even more cruel than normal to her, trashing her ability to not only handle a new kid, but insisting she will give the child up within a week. Even though House was especially vicious (we find out why later), it was funny to see him throw baby-vomit on Cuddy's sweater and break her lamp, all under the pretext of a preview of what life is supposed to be like.

Well, it turns out the mom elects to deliver now (having "sacrificed" so much already), and the baby is going to be okay. But in the total stomach punch, the mom sees Cuddy with the baby (named "Joy,"), and decides she wants to do something right in the world, i.e.--keeping the baby. (I suppose a mother actually wanting to raise her own child might be laudable--though with this drug mama I somehow doubt it--but you'd think she could come to that conclusion BEFORE Cuddy all bonds with the rugrat and stuff.)

The last scene shows a devastated Cuddy at home, shaken beyond all measure in the nursery room she had so joyfully prepared. (Like how I threw in that pun there?) House shows up, trying to cheer Cuddy up by telling her there "other babies in the sea."

When Cuddy claims she's not going through this again, House tells her it's too bad, as she would have made a great mother. This sends Cuddy into a rage, since House spent all his time belittling her when she was getting the baby, only to turn around and say the opposite once she lost the baby.

I love House, but this is a totally fair point. However, we see that his actions were more than just preparing Cuddy. They were more than just adolescent jealousy. They were actual jealousy, as House and Cuddy start kissing! House immediately pulls away, either because he realizes it's wrong to take advantage of Cuddy in her emotionally drained state, or because he feels too vulnerable having bared himself, but the stage is set for next week! (Well, not next week, since we have that stupid election, but you know, in two weeks.)

One other House point: with the bizarre rain delay Monday night, there was some question whether they would finish it Tuesday, which would have meant a delay for House. As House is FOX's highest-rated show, I can't help but think that the FOX execs helped baseball commissioner Bud Selig make his decision. Considering what we got Wednesday Night: fine by me.

The Shield

I don't think I have ever written about The Shield. I watched the first two seasons in America, before I did movie and TV reviews, and then was in Canada for the next few years, where I didn't have access. I got my dad into the show, and we have been trying to catch up ever since. Well, for the first time in almost six years I caught up!

My dad and I watched last week's pivotal episode "Parricide," and then he stayed up late to watch the new episode at 10. I'm going to hold off full thoughts until the show ends in four weeks, but man, are they screaming towards the end. So many shows end with a whimper, but not the most underrated cop show of all time. When it's all said and done, The Shield has to go down as one of the two or three best police shows of all time, but I will wait until then to say more.

I made a whole bunch of notes while watching last night's Chuck, Heroes, and My Own Worst Enemy. However, I'm not convinced anyone is interested in my thoughts other than me, and rather than waste my time writing up all the impressions, I'll just leave it at: they done good.


World Series sucked. Tim McCarver should be forced to retire.

Still injured, which means not much writing happening. Sadly, it also means much more TV since I cannot go anywhere.

I take no responsibility for the following, which was educed in a fog of pain and too much ibuprofen.



Friday

The Clone Wars 1.5 - "Rookies"

There is so much to say about the new Star Wars cartoon. I wish more people were watching it. Tonight's episode focused on the clone soldiers. (Storm Troopers in later parlance.) It was fascinating to see how men who pretty much all look and sound alike could be so different. Also exciting: a gigantic eel, and best of all, even cooler than Super Battle Droids, Battle Droid Commandos, or as Hyperion likes to call them, Ninja Droids! Seriously: they were so fucking cool. Not that much smarter than the regular droids (with the same annoying habit of saying "Roger Roger" to their own detriment), but cool-looking nonetheless.

Also worth mentioning: I have grown accustomed to the people animation for the most part. It starts to seem more and more normal. Once exception: Obi-Wan Kenobi looks a LOT like a young Kris Kringle from those Claymation Santa Claus specials. What's up with that?

Separated at birth?

Crusoe

As I think I said last week, maybe if this show had come out in 1995, it would be seen as cool. Obviously the quality of a show is not the what, but the how. (I mean, if you think about it, Ellen's sitcom and Seinfeld were pretty much the same thing, in concept.) That said, it's the concept of Crusoe that NBC is hoping will be the draw. And I'm sorry, but after LOST, after PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN, heck, even after Survivor, the bar is just too high. I can't see coming back for this one again.



Saturday


Random thoughts while flipping around all day long:


It looks like Penn State will be in the BCS Championship. Every year I threaten to not watch. Perhaps this will finally be the year.


Dude, the ending to Game 3 of the World Series was way stressful. Did anyone else stay up late? How much cooler was it that Tampa Bay (an American League team) was playing totally in an NL kind of way, producing runs any way they could, not to mention that their manager Joe Maddon, looks like he just stepped out of the 1950s. I haven't rooted for a baseball team in forever, but I just might become a Tampa Bay fan, because that guy is just so cute!

I could eat him up!

Somebody tell me: who was RAT RACE made for? Are you one of the people who enjoyed it? Someone did!



Sunday


In attempt to get out of my room for a short time, I crawled to the living room to be with my dad. He was watching the last half hour of PATCH ADAMS.

My brother gave me 7 pieces of advice before he moved on, and (I swear to Tengri), one of them was, "Do not ever watch PATCH ADAMS." I never asked him why; I just took his word on it.

Unfortunately, my dad is a big fan, and so there wasn't much chance he was going to turn it, and as it took so much effort to get out there in the first place, I was stuck.

As my father pointed out (though meaning it in a different manner), you can't judge a movie by the last half hour. You have to watch the whole thing, getting a feel for the fabric of the piece. Fair enough. However, just from what I watched.....[SPOILERS]

When I came in, Patch had just found out that someone (maybe he tried to help?) had just murdered 3 people, including Patch's secret girlfriend. This causes Patch to repudiate everything he believes in, hate the world, and quit doctoring. However, then he sees a butterfly, and totally changes his mind. (That's a pretty damn convenient butterfly.)

Also, there is a bizarre scene where a woman won't eat until she gets to wrassle in spaghetti. I swear I am not making that up, although I do admit I may have been delirious from pain. (Which raises the question: why would I hallucinate that? Old women in spaghetti? Is that my thing now?)

Anyway, maybe five minutes after he sees the butterfly (8 minutes with commercials), Patch is told he can't be a doctor because he's too happy. This leads to the oh-so-original courtroom scene where Robin Williams Patch Adams gives a ridiculous speech about how caring for people makes you a doctor, not actual knowledge, and how death is really no big deal and should be treated with dignity. (I'm with him on that, but didn't he just lose his shit a few minutes ago?)

Anyway, Patch gets to become a real doctor after all, though I can't help wonder why he would care, since the only thing that makes you a real doctor is caring, but whatever.

(You know, I love Robin Williams in most things he does, and when he's on, there is nobody funnier on the planet. Nobody. But the whole courtroom speech is so typical of Williams's attitude on real life matters, and the kind of fuzzy Liberal thinking that drives me nuts. I'm not talking politics here, but rather a world-view which declares "caring" to be more important than actual skill and accomplishment. And yes, I did not see the first 3/4 of the movie, so I'm not judging all of Patch Adams. I'm sure he's a wonderful doctor, and the other doctors sold poisoned milk to school children. But there is a reason they teach clinical detachment to doctors, isn't there? We all want them to care more, but isn't it true that in some cases a lack of objectivity leads to bad decision making? Can't there be room to make the excellent point that many doctors (and all of us) could show a lot more empathy to people without getting all Kum Bah Ya?)

Or maybe I'm just a Greg House kind of guy. I like my doctors broken and cynical, like me.

Speaking of which, after my dad went to bed my mom declared no more World Series, which was tolerable only because

A) The thought of getting up and slogging back to my room seemed excruciating and

B) The game was already out of hand


We ended up watching a House episode from Season 3. It's an excellent episode called "One Day, One Room." House gets stuck doing clinic duty and comes upon a girl named Eve who has an STD, which it turns out came from a rape. (Meanwhile Cameron deals with an old homeless man who wants to die in pain so someone will remember him.)

It's a very powerful episode, and if you're into watching House on USA or wherever else you find it, I recommend it. I told my mom (who violently disagrees), that I see the episode as more of a mirrored reflection of the Cameron and House characters, since the two guest characters they interact with don't seem quite real. (In that their actions don't seem believable to me. I think it's set up to look at what makes House and Cameron tick, as it were.) Anyone who's seen this episode and wants to discuss, I'm all for it, as many big issues come up.

Two random notes:

The girl Eve who was raped is played by Katheryn Winnick. I think she's pretty much just done guest spots, but she deserves an actual role on a TV show. She's terrific.

I just found out that Cameron's first name is Allison. How weird is that? Has anyone ever called her Allison? Or Ally? What if they do?


Okay, back to PATCH ADAMS for a minute. I'm not going to hate this time. I just have a question. At the end, when Patch graduates, he's listed as "Hunter Adams." I have to ask: if your name was as cool as Hunter, why would you go by Patch? Patch is pretty cool, if your name is Wilbur or Lloyd. But Hunter is badass, man!

I think it's time to go into Hunter-Gatherer Mode

I can't remember what day I watched it (when you're stuck in bed 24 hours a day, they all look alike), but at some point I saw STAY ALIVE on USA. I thought it was going to be a BeeGee's horror movie, but instead the flick revolves around a video game where--shock!--if you die in the virtual world, you will die in the real world IN JUST THE SAME WAY!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!

The movie didn't completely suck, as far as it goes, but I have to seriously question why I saw it at 10:00 in the freaking morning! I mean, I know it was PG-13 and probably edited down from that, but there was a good amount of blood, many murders, a good scare factor, and oh, did I metion IT WAS ON AT TEN IN THE MORNING??????

I don't think I'm a Puritan here, but isn't that a bit early for gore-and-more? Should horror movies run opposite Blues Clues? Should Dora the Explorer be Dora Dead on the Floor-a? (Admit it: that one's pretty good.)

Why aren't more people upset by this?



Okay, I'm either loopy or feeling bad, but I'm back to Patch Adams. Seems like the real dude was pretty cool, and I know I shouldn't judge until I've seen the movie, but how can I when my brother told me not too, and it's one of only 7 things he ever told me?

Anyway, apparently there is this poem that Patch recites to his girlfriend throughout the movie. It turns out to be a sonnet by Pablo Neruda. I like Neruda a lot. The only problem is, things in Spanish sound a lot more romantic than when translated. However, this one appears to translate pretty well, so I'll end with Pablo, since I clearly haven't been making sense since Friday night:




Sonnet XVII

Pablo Neruda


I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

GUEST WARRIOR - AJAX

Season 2, Episode 6: The Tower Is Tall But the Fall Is Short

Original Air Date—20 October 2008

The Connor Crew start investigating a family/child psychiatrist after reading Dr. Sherman's (Dorian Harewood) name among other cryptic writings left in blood by a resistance fighter sent back to give them a bunch of similar cryptic messages. Turns out Sherman used to work with veterans, and quickly recognizes signs of post-traumatic stress in John.

Simultaneously, a T-1001 liquid-metal terminator who is impersonating a multi-billionaire corporate CEO, Catherine Weaver (rocker Shirley Manson of Garbage), is starting to have issues handling Weaver's human, Savannah, and commences taking her to Dr. Sherman as well. Dr. Sherman does so well with Savannah (kids like to be held, don't like to be barked at, go figure), Weaver asks him for an opinion of an artificial intelligence which has started behaving oddly. Dr. Sherman figures out the problem in about three seconds, and Weaver recruits him as a part-time consultant on the project, which will probably become Skynet and destroy all of humanity. So we're left to wonder if Dr. Sherman will either enable Skynet to annihilate humanity, or possibly (given his successes so far) will be able to talk the deadly AI into becoming a nicer, friendlier, better-adjusted killing mechanism.

In other news, yet another soldier from the future comes back in time and hooks up with Derek, but not on orders from Future John Connor. Lending overwhelming credence to my previous concerns about overuse of time-travel: soldiers going AWOL can join the queue and get sent back pre-war for a booty-call, not just people authorized by Future John, or machines sent by Skynet.

Speaking of machines sent back by Skynet, yeah, you guessed it. They send another T-888 back, and it goes to Dr. Sherman's office as well. But rather than laying down on the couch and telling Sherman about her male-machine-parts envy, she runs into Cameron and after a mini-battle in the doctors hallway and elevator, Cam twists her into a neatly carriable shape and hauls her back to the Crew's house like a cat bringing back an eviscerated mouse home for its owner.

And Sarah gets all pissy and moody when John wants to talk to an actual shrink about some of his teenage issues/messianic complex.

Pros: Dorian Harewood and the Alabama Blacksnake. Probably better known now for a wide variety of animated voice work, once upon a time Mr. Harewood was the thoughtful poet, Eightball, in the Stanley Kubrick musical comedy, Full Metal Jacket. In this short example of verse, he apologizes for the coarse social graces of his best friend, Animal Mother (Adam Baldwin).

Private Eightball: Believe it or not, but under fire, Animal Mother can be a wonderful human being. All he needs is somebody throwing grenades at him 'til the end of his life.

More relevantly, his portrayal of a caring man who once attempted to care for fragile veterans at a V.A. hospital, and who now works with troubled kids and their families is far more convincing than Lena Hedley's quasi-maternal efforts as Sarah Connor. While I think his inclusion into the rehabilitation of the natal Skynet is a little contrived, I hope he sticks around and eventually joins the Connor Crew: Sixteen-year-olds are really not psychologically prepared for the pressure of saving all of humanity.

Cons: Back to the Booty-Call. Jesse (Stephanie Jacobson), Derek's squeeze from the future, gets tired of the war and hops back to enjoy a few laughs before the big blow-up. And, by extension, manages to convince a tech crew to power and operate the machine to send her back. Hmmm. Think she paid them in hugs and pez?

Apologies. I digress. In the original movie Kyle Reese told Sarah that after he (and the original Arnie-nator) was sent back, John Connor was going to zero the entire complex, preventing any further backward trips. This makes the most sense of anything: less temptation to mess with the timeline and unintended-consequence the human race out of existence by accident. Now, however, apparently any hawt chick with interesting scars can find some socially-challenged lab tech with a degree in chronal dynamics to send her back out of the rat-eating highly-irradiated future and back to Paris Hilton-party-central.

Plot twist, unintended paradox, or crap-tacular writing? With all the traffic coming back from the war-torn future, its beginning to look like an average viewer is going to need a scorecard to keep track of who the good guys are and who the bad guys are. For simplicity's sake you have to figure that any metal that fires on John Connor is bad (except Cameron, who apparently can love him and kill him, possibly at the same time). While that immediately categorizes Cromartie (Garret Dillahunt) as the easy-to-spot bad-guy, this episode throws a couple of others open to question. Catherine Weaver seems to be a sent-back Skynet sleeper (bad, right?), only it is never demonstrated that she actually killed either the real Cathy Weaver, or arranged for the death of Cathy's husband in a helicopter crash. More significantly, why would a Skynet sleeper bother to continue caring for Cathy's daughter, Savannah, when even my non-computer brain can calculate that continued close contact with the girl runs a greater risk of exposure than her 'accidental' death. Stranger yet, she takes Savanah to a child psychologist to facilitate long-term relations with her 'offspring'. Complicating matters further is Catherine's recruitment of Dr. Sherman into what we presume is a neo-natal Skynet project as a sort of cyber-analyst, helping to keep the infant AI productive and content. But if Catherine is Skynet, why did Skynet send back an additional terminator to apparently kill Dr. Sherman? Cameron killed that tin can after inctercepting her outside Dr. Sherman's office, fighting her back into the elevator, and ultimately twisting her into a human pretzel. Popping her chip out of her head, it appears new Skynet machines have fail-safes to prevent them from being reprogrammed by humans: clear and conclusive proof the new machine was Skynet. Only why then did she and Cameron cease and desist their mortal combat when a family boarded the elevator, and only resume the melee after they stepped out? Terminators don't tend to give a crap if someone observes them eliminating a target: Cromartie dug a pistol out of his leg in the middle of a high school science class to shoot at John Connor (pilot episode), Arnie whipped out the infamous Colt .45 with laser sight in the middle of a nightclub, and then doubled down by ramming a truck into the entrance of a police precinct and proceeding inside to kill everyone with an assault rifle and combat shotgun, searching for Sarah Connor. Why would a Skynet machine suddenly stop fighting to preserve its convert status? Not to mention that it is only surmise that the new terminator was after Dr. Shepard, but why else would it go to his office? Who else would it know to look for there?

Sorry to say, folks, but episode six is like a highlight reel of everything weak in T:SCC. Too much time travel, too many terminators, too much mommy angst, and its just not clear if this is part of an overall writing scheme, or just stuff being thrown around in hopes the series makes it to third season.

peace

A-to-the-Jax

I'm not feeling too well, so this TV Warrior update will be shorter than others.

CSI 9.3 - "Art Imitates Life"

I totally dug the Mannequin Serial Killer. Standing the bodies up was a new one. Also good: continuing cracks in the Gil Grissom facade. I think the double blow of losing Warrick and then re-losing Sara right on top has affected Grissom tremendously, and it paves the way for his leaving.


On the other hand, I hated the new girl Riley Adams (Lauren Lee Smith) from the first moment I saw her, but I think I was supposed to, so maybe I kind of love her. She has an abrasive personality that HAS to be designed to antagonize the audience, at least at first. She also smiles too much. Reminds me of Denise Richards in STARSHIP TROOPERS. There are situations where smiling just seems weird. Sara would hate her. Time will tell how the others take to her.

One other great line. Jeffrey Tambour has a great role as an arrogant artist. (I hope we see him again.) At one point he's shown pictures of the dead bodies, and turns them away, saying, "I can't stand looking at inferior art....it sears into my subconscious like bad Mexican Food."

Ouch.

Sometime (when I have more to give), we should discuss whether murder ever rises to Art.

Life on Mars 1.3 - "My Maharishi is Bigger than Your Maharishi"

After last week's disastrous episode, I was almost ready to write this show off. I gave it one more week, and this was a much stronger episode, although still weird. Why wouldn't this guy go visit wherever it is she supposed transfered in from (upstate NY?), and see if he indeed had a life, or if he just time-travelled. Seems like an easy thing to check.

Anyway, I continue to love Harvey Keitel, who gets to smack people around and care about gay people, but Michael Imperioli is still unused. Not sure how much longer I will stick with Mars, but the quality of last night's ep says at least one more week.

Eleventh Hour 1.3 - "Agro"

I've given up hope that the blonde chick will be scantily clad any time soon, so I'm left with the strange performance of Rufus Sewell, and further comparison between Eleventh Hour and Fringe. The show is interesting and all, but the way it's set up, I find it hard to believe two people would go all the investigating, and the science, and everything else. I mean, there are other people in the FBI. Why wouldn't they help out too?

World Series

With the long overdue retirement of Billy Packer, is there a more annoying sports announder than Tim McCarver? It's gotten so that I watch 80% of the game with the sound off. Sad.

Tuesday was definitely a night for Olivias on FOX!

House 5.5 - "Lucky Thirteen"

Much of the criticism on the new House M.D. cast-members has been directed at Thirteen, played by Olivia Wilde. I have never really understood that. She's dramatic, funny, interesting, and House is intrigued by her, which makes me intrigued by her. I think the problem is: you can't look at Thirteen as a Cameron replacement. She's her own character.

Tonight we got to see more of Thirteen than ever before. She has Huntington's which I guess is progressing faster than anticipated. This leads to self-destructive behavior on the part of Thirteen, including lesbian hookups! My mom would probably have a stroke, but Hyperion loved every minute of it!

Of course, things not ever being what they seem, Thirteen's "partner" soon collapses, which leads to her being a House patient, which leads to the knowledge that she picked Thirteen for exactly that reason. (Actually, they dropped this line once it was explained. I wish more was done on that vein.)

When House finds out the connection between his new patient and Thirteen, he exclaims, "Penthouse Forum meets Medical Mystery....there is a God!"

Unfortunately, I missed a good portion of the next few minutes, as FOX had technical difficulties. I know there is no one to blame for something like that--life happens--but I was a fuming guy, terrified I might be missing more Thirteen action. (Luckily, that didn't come until the end, this time with a blonde.)

At the end House makes his miraculous diagnosis because of interaction between Thirteen and the patient, prompting this gem: "Another life saved by girl on girl action." Now that's a Health Plan for America John McCain and Barack Obama could support!

In other developments.....

Detective Guy was back! I know the cast is already overcrowded, but I hope they find ways to use him more often. Specifically they were spying on Wilson, who appeared to be sleeping with a hooker. House explained that this was Wilson's Messiah complex. "He's always trying to save women. His first wife had a wooden leg, his second wife was Canadian...." Good times.

Of course (and I totally called this), Wilson was only jerking House around, in fine fettle, as always. Turns out there was something to hide, and that is that Cuddy is adopting a kid! When House found out he got all weird, and put his glasses on quickly. Almost made me think he was crying! Not House, right?

Then, in classic FOX overtelling, the previews from next week's episode seemed to indicate House and Cuddy......could it be?

I can't wait to find out.

Fringe 1.6 - "The Cure"

You know, I was just ready to write Fringe....well, not off, but definitely in the "I can take it or leave it" crowd. Then tonight came.

I think everyone would agree that so far Dr. Walter Bishop (John Noble) has been far and away the most interesting character. Maybe it's the eccentric genius parameters that allow him to show off a bit, do march to his own drummer. Don't know. What I do know is that tonight's episode ("The Cure") featured less of Dr. Bishop than any other episode, yet it was far and away the best one yet.

I think that's due to the writing.

Finally we get to learn a little more of what makes FBI Agent Olivia Dunham (Anna Torv) tick. Yes, she has the whole "Secret boyfriend is a traitor or maybe not who died or maybe isn't dead or may be infecting her brain with hallucinations" thing going on, but c'mon: who doesn't have relationship issues? No, obviously agent Dunham is wound tight from Day 1, and tonight we get some insight why.

Turns out when she was 9 her mom had an abusive boy friend, and little Olivia ended up shooting the creep when he tried to break back in after assaulting her mom. Didn't kill him, though, and he eventually recovered and escaped. Now, the abusive guy sends her a birthday card every year, just to let her know he's still kicking.

(I had a really horrible joke planned about what some women would put up with to get their men to send a card, but after the horrible analogy in the My Own Worst Enemy review yesterday, I am heroically letting it pass.)

Meanwhile, Pacey, I mean Peter Bishop (Joshua Jackson) finally showed some initiative. But you know what? I'm making a TV Warrior ruling right now, because we don't avoid the tough calls. From now on Peter Bishop goes by Pacey, at least until Joshua Jackson proves this character has more to him. Anyway, Pacey has a nice move.

And I don't mean to short Papa Bishop. In the smaller parts he got he was still hilarious, with the desire for a white HAZ/MAT suit, equalled only by his desire for onion soup, his childlike delight at watching gerbils blow up, and of course the running gag where he cannot remember anyone's name. (He called Astrid "Asterisk.") Noble really makes me believe he's an eccentric genius.

And finally Anna Torv is starting to fulfill some promise too.


For some reason Fringe is taking the next two weeks off (House isn't). By that time I will have seen the same amount of Eleventh Hours, and we can finally put to bed which show is better. For the first time all season I actually find myself looking forward not just to House, but to Fringe.

What's the best night for TV on television? That's hard to say. Everyone knows about Thursdays, and Sundays--especially adding HBO and Showtime--might get the nod, at least for adults. However, if you ask what's the best night for Television on one network, it would be hard to argue against NBC's Monday Night Lineup. I don't see anything that even comes close.

Before the night even started, a grave announcer told us about the three shows we would be seeing that night (Chuck, Heroes, My Own Worst Enemy), and then they showed us that it was Mohinder Suresh from Heroes! He even said "...because things sound more impressive when I say them like this." Good times.

Chuck 2.4 - "Chuck Vs. the Cougars"

First of all, I want to apologize to Michael Strahan (and NBC), for decrying the stunt casting of having Strahan guest-star on Chuck when he just got a new gig on NBC's Sunday Night Football. Actually, Strahan is on FOX.

Oops. My bad.

I think I was quick to find fault because in general I don't like stunt-casting. It feels gimmicky, and takes away from the characters I love, which is the main reason you watch a show like Chuck. (It's not like you're hoping for an Alias-like techno-thriller.) So, when I saw that Nicole Richie was a guest-star, I got nervous. However, if you didn't know anything about what she was before, I think you'd have been perfectly fine with Miss Richie's performance. Her husband (played by Fred Savage's younger brother Ben) wasn't quite as good. I think that probably is my bias again.

When it comes to the Savages, you either grew up with Fred on The Wonder Years and The Princess Bride, or you grew up with Ben on the monstrosity I like to call Boy Meets World. Guess which camp I fall into? When Sarah meets Nicole Richie's character, in her fake Frozen Yogurt shop, it turns out it's someone from her (real) past. This prompts Chuck to say,

"Of all the semi-tart Asian-influenced frozen yogurt shops in all of town....."

That cracked me up. Anyway, the episode involves Sarah having to go to her 10th High School Reunion. Boy, that gave me pause. I look at people like Sarah and Chuck, and I just assume they are older than I am. but Sarah's 10th Reunion was from 1998, four years after mine! That made me feel ancient. There were several very clever high-school "homages," let's call them. One involved the names. Nicole Riche's character was Heather Chandler, from the movie HEATHERS, while Ben Savage's was Mark Ratner, who, you will recall, was the movie-theater geek who loved Jennifer Jason Leigh's character in FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH.

Other homages included several extended sequences from GROSSE POINTE BLANK (itself about a ten year high-school reunion, and by the way, go see that movie if you haven't yet), and some that looked straight out of CARRIE.

The music took me back too. There was MmmmBop by Hanson, The Backstreet Boys, that Dawson's Creek song, and--in the best move--Prodigy's Smack My Bitch Up, all while Sarah and Nicole Richie's character are in full-on girl fight. How can you ask for more than that? You just can't.

Heroes 3.6 - "Dying of the Light"

I meant to write about Heroes last week (the "Angels and Monsters" episode), then decided to wait until this week and fold all my thoughts into a column. Which, didn't happen. I suck. However, last week's episode was one of the best ever, and this week's did not disappoint. The two things I want to write a column about, which in my opinion elevate Heroes from typical genre fare, are the mythic nature of what we're seeing, and the family relationships. Boy, how that's coming home to roost. For three seasons we've wondered what was the deal with Peter and Nathan's father. Now we're seeing some of that come together. AND HE'S PLAYED BY THE IMMORTAL ROBERT FORSTER!!!!!

Still not sure what Papa Petrelli's power is, but it makes total sense he can steal other's powers, since Peter and Sylar are his sons. I so can't wait for the reunion/fight between Mama Petrelli and Papa Petrelli. I know some people have been upset at Peter seeming to veer toward the dark side, while Sylar tries to become good, but I think that's all part of the plan.

Think about it for a minute. These powers are like Apotheosis. In other words, these people have become unto like gods. That kind of power has to be very tempting, in all sorts of ways. That kind of power has to tap into our best instincts, and our worst. It is consistent, the way I understand it, that some Heroes would be temped to the Dark side, and some Villains would try to find redemption.

Think about any of the classic mythology tales. Basically those folks are humans with god-like powers. How many of them do good all the time? How many are purely evil? Are they not tempted like the rest of us? And why would powers make that any less the case?

Anyway, I am digging this Villains arc they're on. I like the interplay between what's good and what's evil, and I don't need my villains to always wear dark hats and stay in their cage. It doesn't bother me in the slightest that Sylar might try to change. This show works as metaphor much more than as real. You watch it as real, but obviously can't delve too deeply (or it would fall apart). I don't have a problem with that. Most of the world's greatest literature has always worked the same way; involving ourselves on multiple levels.

As far as characters go, I usually spend half my time annoyed to pieces at about half the characters. For me the last year that's been Claire, who is so whiny and ungrateful I would shoot her (if it would do any good), and Matt Parkman bores me to death too. Not to mention which, who is watching Molly with Parkman in African and Mohinder completely unhinged?

I continue to love Hiro/Ando, especially the comic relief stuff. I totally called last week when he stabbed Ando as a set-up. Some of the one-liners were hysterical, like when that speedy chick Daphne sends Hiro and Ando after the African precog (who can paint the future), but warns them.

"That's the trouble with pre-cogs. They see you coming."

Then when Ando sees one of the paintings on the rock of Hiro, he quips, "Ah, they all look alike to me." Hilarious! That was topped only by Hiro searching after the African pre-cog, going, "Mr. African Ee-sak?" I guess you have to know Hiro for that to be funny.

Whatever funk Heroes might have been in, they definitely have their mojo back. I desperately need to write a big column about it, for new people. If you don't watch Heroes, and happened to stumble in, GO BACK TO THE BEGINNING! You won't be sorry.

My Own Worst Enemy 1.2 - "Hummingbird"

I was going to do my very best not to make a cheesy analogy here, but with the title of tonight's episode, I feel I have no choice? When it comes to MOWE, much like a cheap hooker, I'm in all the way, and very quickly at that. I keep waiting (hoping?) this show will suck, but the first two episodes were fantastic.

Tonight might have been even better than the pilot, mostly because "Edward" performs the "Hummingbird" on Henry's wife (in case you're new, Henry and Edward are split personalities, so the poor wife didn't realize), and after Henry objected, apparently they did something even dirtier! Anyone who doesn't know the Hummingbird, well, I just feel sorry for them. But I'm kinda wondering what the "even dirtier" thing is.

So, in the first episode we learned that Edward is a remorseless secret agent for some unnamed secret government agency who--for unknown reasons--had an alter identity--"Henry"--put in his brain. Henry lives his normal (to him) life, complete with wife and kids, and whenever the agency needs him, "Edward" is reactivated. Except, the problem, is that Edward/Henry's chip is malfunctioning, and you never know which personality will appear. This means normal confused Henry popping up during missions, and confident Edward popping up (literally, I guess) in bed with Henry's wife.

Got that? It's not nearly as confusing as it sounds, but it's Hell-cool.

In this episode Henry continues to be obsessed with figuring out what has happened to him, not content with the idea that he's a manufactured personality only 19 years old, and fake at that. Henry pours through old family movies, trying to connect with his past, only to learn that most of it is fake. We see the show through Henry's point of view more than Edward's, so even though Henry might be the construction, our sympathies are with him. Then again, Henry is a bit of a whiny baby. Edward seems more interesting--in and out of bed--in every way.

Also cool: we see more of Mike O'Malley, another agent with a manufactured personality. I wrote last week that I am a fan of O'Malley, but usually he plays funny. Here he plays straight, grim even, and he's fantastic at it. We also met the big boss, at least the biggest so far, played by super-asshole (at least on screen) James Cromwell. If anyone can lend instant dignified menace, it's him.

What can I tell you? I wasn't looking for a new show to like, and I have never been a fan of Christian Slater, but I am totally liking My Own Worst Enemy so far. My advice is to take 90 minutes and catch up on the first two episodes (nbc.com, hulu.com, imdb.com). I think you'll be glad you did.

I actually made notes for everything I watched, and then they got destroyed, because I suck. So, I'm sort of going from memory. Doesn't mean I forget how I felt about everything, but the neat little quotes and items I made notes about are mostly gone.

The Simpsons - "Double, Double Boy's in Trouble"

If I remember my notes, the title of this episode comes from Macbeth. The plot comes more from Twain's "The Prince and the Pauper." You're all familiar with the story: a rich kid and a poor kid switch places, to see what it's like for the other half to live.

In this case, Bart is the poor kid and "Simon Woosterfield" is the rich boy. I know he had a race car bed that actually raced, and a poster of Joe Montana that was actually Joe Montana standing there in a pose. (Every day Joe stands there the Woosterfields donate 1 million dollars to Notre Dame.)

As I recall, the beginning of the episode featured Lenny winning $50,000 and throwing a party for all his friends, including a musical number. Also, Simon had an air hockey table, which Bart lay on to talk on the phone. (I so want an air hockey table, not just to lay on and keep cool, but to play.)

If I sound sketchy on details, it's because I was in a great deal of pain while watching. This is why I made all the notes! My overall impressions are that it was a pretty good episode, if not quite as good as the first two of the season.

Family Guy - "Road to Germany"

First, I loved the opening. It's the same thing they did for (I think) Stewie's Big Adventure. Rather than the traditional All in the Family parody (that morphs into a stage show), we get glossy "stills" from the upcoming episode, along with classic music. It's feels like you're watching an old classic movie.

Anyway, Mort accidentally goes back in time to Poland in 1939, and Stewie and Bryan go after him, only find themselves in the middle of the Nazi invasion.

I don't remember a whole lot, other than recalling it wasn't hit out of the park funny, but pretty tightly constructed overall.

I do remember Hitler writing a cable to the army (ordering the Polish invasion), and on the bottom of the cable it reads, "Got your last message. LMAO." Somehow the idea of Hitler using IM-Speak was funny to me. (You know he'd be all about the lulz.)

Another great moment was when Stewie and Hitler come face to face (Stewie is dressed in disguise like Hitler while they were trying to escape). Hitler is confused, and starts doing that mirror thing you've seen in the movies, where it's two people, but inexplicably they do the same thing over and over again, perpetuting the idea that the first unaware guy is looking in a mirror.

There was also a great bit that riffed on Back to the Future, and it got me wondering why they never came up with the idea of making a Back to the Future cartoon, where every week Marty and the Doc would battle some historical baddies. Turns out they did make such a cartoon. Why wasn't I told???

I don't think I can say this strongly enough: the new Star Wars cartoon series "The Clone Wars" is freaking awesome, and any Star Wars fan staying away for any reason is a fool.

Episode 1.4 - "Destroy Malevolence"

This episode is the last in the three part "Malevolence" arc, and boy was it worth it. Each episode kept getting better and better, culminating with Padme getting taken hostage on a large enemy ship, Skywalker and Obi Wan sneaking on board to save her, Obi-Wan trying to destroy the hyper-drive, and R2D2/C3PO shenanigans.

Sound familiar?

In what had to be a fun homage/flashback, "Destroy Malevolence" delights in riffing down memory lane. Except, all this actually happened first. Go figure.

The "evil" battle droids continue to be hilarious. I don't care if they're only being used for comic relief. It works.


Padme - Wow. At first I wasn't sure I would like her (as NP doesn't do the voice), but her animation is beautiful, especially the face. Also: there is no possible way her pants could be any tighter. Let's just say she's a valuable "asset," and I hope she's a major character in this series.

Obi-Wan and Anakin had great interaction, as did Anakin and Padme. You can see how much Anakin loves Padme, which helps solidify the explanation for what he does in REVENGE OF THE SITH.

Couple other quick highlights:

When R2D@ rescues C3PO, the golden ponce exclaims, "Oh, R2! You're a sight for short circuits!"

There is a escalator/subway system that moves throughout Grevious's giant ship The Malevolence. It's really well constructed, and obviously took a lot of thought into not only what would make an exciting sequence (a small battle that takes place on the different "tracks"), but someone clearly sat down and thought about how people/droids would move around a ship the size of Rhode Island.

Anyway, at one point General Grevious is going to look for Padme, and he jumps off the moving track. As he stalks around we hear in the background, "Mind the gap."

It's the little details that make Star Wars such a joy.



Crusoe - I didn't see it Friday night, but I'm going to try to catch it on hulu, and then give a quick review. Why? Because I love you. Check back here later.

Update (5:27 pm)

I finally watched Crusoe




I think I had more fun coming up with analogies than I did watching the program. Actually, that isn't fair. Crusoe was perfectly entertaining dumb TV. Friday night is the right time for it. It's the kind of show that works if you have nothing better to do, or you need something to make fun of before going out. I found myself laughing out loud several times, only some of which were intentional (on the show's part).


Crusoe is like Pirates of the Caribbean without the Production Values.

Crusoe is like LOST without the mysticism

Crusoe is like The Swiss Family Robinson without the hot mom

Crusoe is like Gilligan's Island without Mrs. Howell. (You get the idea that even though Crusoe is stuck on an uninhabited desert island thousands of miles from anywhere, he will inexplicably run into humans on a weekly basis.

Crusoe is like McGuyver, without the homosexuality.

Actually, I take that back. There is a huge homoerotic vibe between Crusoe and the Savage "Friday" who is his friend. Call it "Brokeback Island." (If the show were to inexplicably become a big hit, I would expect SNL to jump on that sketch idea.)

There were some cool things in the two hour pilot. Crusoe is a whiz and inventing various contraptions. And there is a lot of flashback, where we (presumably) will eventually learn the big mystery that has this Eric Stoltz look-alike on the island. (In the flashbacks, Sam Neill plays his benefactor and Sean Bean plays his father, so there is some potential there, as why would you cast big names unless they are going to come into play?)


Georgina Rylance was nice to look at in the pilot. Too bad she won't be coming back, but at least it gave me an excuse to put her picture up.

Look, the show's not that great, but it's the kind of bad that's enjoyable. Does that make sense? Sort of a National Treasure bad. You don't worry about it too much. Actually, National Treasure is really entertaining. Hmmm... The show reminds me of Las Vegas.

You totally don't take it seriously. It's fairly mindless, and no one is (EVER) winning any awards.

But it's pretty to look at, and if you're bored on a Friday night, why not?

I must have been in a terrible mood last night. I strongly believe in the theory that severe moods (happy or sad or otherwise) will often color how we view movies, and I think TV fits that bill as well. I don't know if it was my foot, which hurt enough to try to cut partially off, or that I spent much of yesterday wanting to kill something, but Thursday's powerful lineup left me flat.

Kath & Kim Episode 1.2 - "Respect"

Remember how I said last week's show was an abomination? It was MILES better than this week's. I have NO IDEA why I would watch suchdreck . I think I wanted to punish myself for some great sin. What's worse, I made my mom watch it with me. She too was horrified. (Although: she is predicting the girls' use of "Gorge" for "Gorgeous"will soon catch fire.)

Kath & Kim is abysmal, and I vow never to watch again, even if I have to poke out my eyes to make it work.

CSI 9.2 - "The Happy Place"

The first three minutes were really good, elegiac and mysterious. However, everything after the dent in the bus fell flat. (No pun intended.)

I just couldn't get into this episode. Again, I don't know if that's because it was me, or a "come-down" episode after last week's emotional goodbye toWarrick, or maybe just because every facet of the show seemed to point to Grissom/Sarah, and you all know how much I have despised Sarah. Sarah left him again at the end, and I think they are setting up Grissom going after her. Sad, but they have to have some reason for him to leave, and losing Warrick and then Sarah all over again might push him over the edge.

Grissom has always been the consummate professional, but it would be kind of interesting if we saw him crack. That I would enjoy, though painful. But tonight's episode? Waste of time.

Life on Mars 1.2 - "The Real Adventures of Unreal Sam Tyler"

My dad watched this episode with me, after I talked about how good it was last week. Ye gods. Do you know how embarrassing that was? I stake my reputation (entertainment-wise) on having well-formed solid opinions. If I recommend a show, it's quality, baby, and YOU WILL LOVE IT!

I mean, I know with these premieres, you can only go by what you've seen so far, and it's not unusual for a second episode to have a drop-off from a pilot, which gets more time, money and attention, not to mention that often the second episode (and those following) are shot months after the pilot, and the network orders some changes.

That said, last night's episode was terrible. I was mortified that my name was associated with it at all. Now I have a dilemma. I would like to give it one more chance (on the strength of the first episode and the premise), but if/when I catch up with Eleventh Hour, if that show is better, I might be tempted.

And either way, I can't see my dad watching Life on Mars ever again.

Sigh.



And to top it all, off, I watched the last three innings of the ALCS, hoping to see Tampa make the World Series, only to see Boston with another improbable comeback. Now that's all anyone in sports will talk about for two days. If Boston makes the World Series I am giving up baseball forever.



EDIT (ADDED 9:02 AM ON SATURDAY OCTOBER 18)

Eleventh Hour 1.2 - "Cardiac"

I saw the second episode of Eleventh Hour last night. While it did not suck, it was fairly boring and predictable, which in some ways is worse. The plot was a blatant rip-off -- of all things -- of a classic Family Guy episode! I gotta hand it to the producers: other than CSI, CBS cannot get anyone in the 18-49 demo to watch any of their shows, so they had to figure that no one even knew they had stolen from the toad-licking Lando Griffin episode.

I think my bigger problem is that is it obvious to me that Eleventh Hour is a Jerry Bruckheimer production on CBS. This isn't a rant about Bruckheimer, but you know I have gone on at length before about how I can almost always recognize what network a show is on after only a few seconds? Well, there are 11 procedural Dramas on CBS, and all of them look and feel very similar.

Perhaps this is why CBS gets the most overall viewers. Perhaps this is also why they can't get young viewers. CSI is the original, the best of them. NCIS seems to have some good chemistry/characters going for it, and The Unit has a somewhat unique storyline with the military.

That said, 6 of the shows are from Bruckheimer, 10 of the 11 are directly about crime investigation, and after awhile....they all sort of blend together.

Anyway, Rufus Sewell's strange affect is still the best part of Eleventh Hour, as is the possibility that it will dawn on Bruckheimer and CBS that the only real hope of long-term success lies with Marley Shelton in her Underwear on a weekly basis.

This is not a chauvinist pig issue. This is a quality of life issue. This is a quality of police drama issue. Women who look like Marley Shelton don't work for the FBI. The least they can do is make up reasons for her to be in various states of undress.

Episode 1.4 - "Birthmarks"

I think this is the first time I have written about House this year, which is a shame. As I have stated previously (and it's yet to change), HOUSE is my very favorite show on TV right now. The reason is pure selfishness: Greg House is the character most like me of anyone on Television. The fact that HOUSE also happens to be one of the best shows on TV is a comfort to me. Favorites are favorites, but it's nice when Favorite and Best coincide.

At the beginning of this fifth season House and Wilson broke up their friendship, ramifications of last season's amazing Amber storyline. You knew it wouldn't last forever, but I thought the time they spent apart was good for the show, and both characters. (Although: I am totally going to miss the detective. I hope they bring him back recurringly.)

The House/Wilson dynamic is one of the best on television, a testament to the writing, the characters and the two actors playing the parts. Wilson is the only person who ever seems to "get" House. Others are in awe of him, in love with him, or maybe both, but Wilson sees House for what he is, for better or worse.

The reason House and Wilson had to spend time together in this episode was the death of House's father. With a character like House, you just know there had to be a strange dynamic growing up. We don't know much about House's dad (other than House despises him), and we don't really learn that much more about him (outside of House's prejudiced lens), but in some ways, that tells us more about House than if we had a big complicated backstory. In so many ways House the man defies being slipped into categories, but he is human, and all humans are affected by the death of a parent, even if it's not in ways we expect.

Even though HOUSE is my favorite show, I am the first to admit that not all plot directions have worked out. I didn't care for the Chi McBride arc in Season 1, and the David Morse cop thing didn't work for me too well, either. (I loved Loved LOVED the Stacy arc, and wish they could find a way to bring her back, if only for an episode or two.)

The most controversial arc is of course the newbies, brought in last season. I have nothing bad to say about all the actors and the plots. I thought they were inventive, took the show in new directions, and gave House a different dynamic to work with.

The problem is that Cameron and Chase didn't leave the show. (Forman rejoined the Team after striking out on his own, courtesy of the reputation he earned as House's protege.) I love Cameron and Chase, but in some ways, if they were going to go in a new direction (with Taub, Kutner and 13), they probably should have just gotten rid of the old team. Watching the creators come up with reasons to shoe-horn each character into an episode for 30 seconds was less than desirable, because it reminded you of how awesome those characters used to be.

I mention this because, with House on the road with Wilson for dad's funeral, we got to see more Chase/Cameron/Forman action. Loved that. I sense Chase and Cameron are going to integrate more into the flow of things, but who knows? Again, even if it's not the wisest choice, or my preference, the fact that HOUSE remains compelling even with huge changes is a testament to how good the show's fundamentals are.

Back to Wilson/House for one minute. I loved learning (obliquely) how the two met, and what really runs their relationship. When Wilson left the hospital several weeks ago, and told House off, he spoke some real truths. At the same time, you knew that wasn't the whole story, and House's "truths" back to Wilson in this episode were just as true.

My brother told me once that after a certain age, Friends are like Family: you don't get to pick them. Maybe he's right, and if so, House and Wilson truly do belong together.