Ok, the last audition episode of America's Got Talent. Nick says they have saved the best for last. My cynical ass is ready to see if Nick is blowing smoke so let's go...
The first act is a comic named Jimmy Dinh(Pronounces "Dean" and No. He does not sell the sausages.) He is from Vietnam, but as he says, " I don't do the fingernails." He does the eyelash extensions, and he is here to perform comedy.
He starts off well, doing some self-deprecating accent humor, but the humor thins out and he gets three buzzers. I agree with Sharon and Howie when they said that he was funnier just being himself. Howie really likes Jimmy and said he would have Jimmy go on tour with him and repeat Howie's act as a translator. ( I would actually pay to see that.)
It is a no for Jimmy, but Howie and Sharon said it is a no "for now"
Next up is a pair of ladies called the Belly Dancing duo. They come out in next to nothing (typical belly dancing outfits) and Piers and Howie are already wishing they wore looser fitting pants and saying "yes" to sending these two to Vegas. They hold off, though, and actually do let them perform.
I have to admit, those skinny asses know how to work it.(Damn them) In my due diligence, I discovered that these two have done how to DVDs. Just because I know the menfolk and which hemisphere they think with, I have included a photograph from one of their DVDs. (You horny asses are welcome)
Howie and Piers are pretty much left speechless seeing as all the blood left their brains. Sharon mention that Howie was overcome by their "T and T"... or as Howie likes to call it, their "talent... and timing." (cough*bullshit*cough)Piers, when he gets command of his voice states that he could have watched that"literally for months." Cut to the chase... they get their yes's and the fan girl confessor gets a not-so-subtle reminder of what she is not as she ponders where the ice cream is.
We get some brief looks at some other acts that got through to Vegas. We had an extreme pogo team that actually did NOT look like a bunch of nerds. Yay them.
I have to say, though, that one of my favorite acts were Da Maniacs, and dance crew made up of some non-traditional male dancers. Ok, they are a bunch of teddy bear sized fellers and one little person (for juxtaposition)that get their freak on. And I was enjoyin' every bit of that epic tasty goodness, myself. The judges loved it, though Sharon said "it was more movement than dance", all the while one feller was busy showing off for Sharon. I will let you watch the video yourself. If it doesn't bring a smile to your face, then you're pretty much heartless. These guys get their yes's, and the fan girl smiles, again.
Oh, readers, I believe that I have found the "Epic Asshole of the Season award", and it goes to Clownvis, the king of clowns. He performs a clown routine as Elvis. I had hope for the clown when he first came on and then he stared singing "Old MacDonald". And this is why I hate clowns.
Piers actually called him the worst act he has ever seen. And when I thought it was just going to be a quick "no and go", the real fun began:
This clown got 'tude... dude actually started backtalking Piers, calling him "Pierre". I,uhm, DID actually snicker a little at that one; but then he went and started talking shit about Ozzy. Brought out the mega bee-atch in Sharon. Mama bear don't take too kindly to some little piss ant talking smack about papa bear. I couldn't quite hear through the beep those pansy ass censors put in; but I believe that "Fuck off" would be a pretty good guess about what came out of Sharon's mouth at the end of her critique.
Clownvis THEN talks shit about Howie,(what the hell!)saying that Howie hasn't made anything worthwhile since "Little Monsters". Damn, that's harsh. This dude it related to IT or something. No clown is that mean. Well, this makes Nick come out and throw down the jacket. That's right, Nick's ready to bounce a clown right out the back door. Howie tells Nick to calm down and let him address Clownvis, and then proceeds to also tell him to fuck off. Bless Howie and Sharon: so succinct, and yet quite elegant.
We get a few more crap acts, and then we get to fat men in diapers. Yes, a sumo wrestling act. That's all you need to know. To know more would give you nightmares.
74 year old, Phil Trau is the next act that strikes our fancy. He is going to perform a tap dance routine he did over 50 years ago. He says that if he wins, his wife can have a face lift (her words, not his).
This guy can dance! He is doing a stair-step dance and giving it everything he has. During a more restrained portion, Piers turns into super-dick again and gives the buzzer a press.That's ok, though. Just makes Phil dance that much harder, jumping over the stair steps and then ending in A SPLIT! Hells yes, Phil! I want to see Piers' ass do that. Yeah, exactly... ain't gonna happen!
Piers admits "the buzzer shot viagra through his veins" and does something he HATES to do: he takes back his X.
Howie says that Phil is a "superstar" and that he is "dazzled". Sharon says Phil should go with "sexy Phil" as his performance name. Needless to say, our man gets his three yes's and we at TV Warrior will have to follow him. Any old dude that can get Piers to man up and admit he was a dumbass deserves our respect.
After Phil, we saw Luigi Seno, who came from the Phillipines. He is a guitar player and singer... and Ooh, that boy has a smooth voice. Working that "Sunday Morning" like it's no one business. Giving it a nice Jazz feel. From what I am hearing, the women are hot to trot for Luigi.
Howie thinks he is a great entertainer. Howie would be listening to his album. Piers thinks he is charming and that will help him go a long way. Luigi gets his three yes's and ends up in tears. He says that he did this for his family in the Phillipines, whom he hasn't seen in eight years. It is amazing what some of these people have gone through in their lives; and when good things happen to them, it makes this fan girl VERY happy.
We end the audition episodes with Arthur Nakane a 73 one man band who is originally from Japan. He has so many instruments that it takes over three hours to set up. His ambition is to show people that ANYONE can do what he does, and his catch phrase is (get this) "Yes we can." Yep-- he had it first. Arthur dedicates this performance to Sharon and she is touched.
It takes over a minute to FINISH getting set up. Nick even comes out on stage to see if there is anything he can do. I will say this, though; Dude has it going on... playing shit with his feet, with his hands, with his mouth and doing some singing (I think). He has everyone, including the judges swaying back and forth and getting all "Up with People." We have us some easy listening one man band action going and it's pretty cool.
The audience goes cuckoo for cocoa puffs over this guy. They start screaming "Yes we can! Yes we can!" Howie was nice and enjoyed the act, but didn't feel it was strong enough and said no. Sharon loved him and said yes. Before Piers can say anything, the audience starts yelling "Yes we can!" again. Clearly THEY know what they want. Piers says that "for the sheer dedication and the hard work" he is sending Arthur to Vegas. YES HE CAN! YES HE CAN!
At the end, Nick comes out and helps Arthur clear the stage.
I admit, I have been tickled pink with this season of AGT. There have been some epically tasty good performances. I think it is really going to be difficult to pick a front runner out of all these great contestants. Next week is Vegas week and it looks like we will actually see more performances-- unlike last year. I look forward to seeing how these contestants outdo themselves as they try to make the Top 40.
Til we meet again!
(fan girl confessor)