[Hyperion - Another Guest post from Teresadf]

E! has created another hot mess of a television "reality" show, starring Kendra Wilkinson, previously one of "The Girls Next Door" or one of Hugh Heffner's ex playmate bimbos.
Basically, the show is about Kendra moving out of the Playboy Mansion and into her own house. It also features her trying to plan her wedding to fiance' Eagles Wide Receiver Hank Basket.

Things you should know about Kendra, if you never saw The Girls Next Door:

1. She's VERY messy
2. She's VERY dumb
3. She's always late
4. Easily distracted
5. Dumber than a rock
6. Loves sports
7. Mildly retarded

I imagine Kendra's two brain cells fighting all the time, then laughing because they forgot why they were fighting. Kendra seems like she's a Martian, sent into the world for the first time to figure out life, but the only skill she was given, was how to be a whore.

Her unpacking consists of multiple piles of shit. The piles aren't organized, they are just piles She is surprised that the house she bought doesn't contain the furniture that was there when she last saw it and decided to buy. Seriously. Her first piece of furniture is not a bed, sofa or chair, but a stripper pole placed in the living room. Shit, she could have at least put that in the bedroom.

During her first trip to the grocery store, she seems confused that food doesn't come already prepared for her. She obviously doesn't know how to cook, so what the holy piss did she spend $400 on? Well, she does have a roommate, so maybe SHE knows how to cook? If they are lucky, Kendra's fiance' knows how to cook.

Kendra's family stops in for a visit, and I wonder if her mother even raised this idiot. I mean, before she moved into the Playboy mansion, she lived at home. Did she NEVER help clean, cook or shop? Or did her tiny little brain refuse to retain all that info? Her mom doesn't seem like the type to cater to anyone.

Since she has no furniture, or anything else for that matter, her mother suggests she throw a housewarming party, so her friends will give her free shit in return for an ear-stabbing night of drunkenness with Kendra. I think I'd rather stand in traffic.

Who knew a former playmate had so many friends? They all show up, including Heff and Crystal, his newest girlfriend. Bridget, another former "Girl Next Door" also shows up looking about 10 years older. I guess when you stop dating Heff, you can't afford those shots of Botox anymore?

The next day, Kendra leaves to pick up her finace and I'm shocked that she can drive, let alone drive and not wreck every 5 feet. She's nervous about bringing Hank home because it's empty and because her "style" is White Trash Mess. This is one patient dude. First, he must have a brain injury from football to tolerate Kendra's laugh and nasally whine. Second, how can he not constantly picture her with Heff and his old man saggy balls? Five years she dated Heff. Even writing about this made mew throw up a little.

Next we watch as Kendra and Hank try to set up their new television. Surprise, Kendra didn't get cable. I'm actually surprised she got electricity and water and remembered where she lived.

Later, at a bridal shop with two of her girlfriends, she tries on wedding dresses. We see Kendra naked so much, I don't know why this show isn't on HBO or at least on past midnight.

Hugh Heffner invites Kendra and Hank to the Playboy mansion. I don't know what for, I figured it was for dinner, but they never ate, so who knows. They are both a little nervous, but I'd feel nervous introducing my fiance to my exboyfriend. This meeting makes ME feel awkward. Heff shows Hank around the grounds and tells stories. It's cute that Kendra acts like she's never heard those stories before, but in all fairness, she probably just forgot them. Heff offers the mansion to use for their wedding, which they later agree to use, even though Hank thinks it's strange to get married at Kendra's ex's house.

These first two episodes of Kendra were like watching a toddler run into walls. Even when the kid gets back up, you just know they are going to run into that damn wall again! The amount of stupid that this girl brings is astronomically unbelievable. You can't help but watch, just to see what this blond retard is going to do next.

I recommend you watch, if nothing else is on, or you feel like laughing at just how stupid one person can be. The cost is only a few brain cells, at most. "Kendra" airs on E! Sunday nights at 10/9c [with tons of re-airs throughout the week]

Hyperion - In the interest of "rounding" out Teresa's fine analysis, I thought we should give you Kendra's "Specs"

Kendra Wilkinson
Birth name: Kendra Wilkinson
Occupation: Model, Television personality, Playmate
Birth date: June 12, 1985
Place of Birth: San Diego, California
Famous Tagline: (Of "The Girls Next Door" Television show) - "You call it fantasy, they call it home."
Height: 5'4"
Hair color: blonde
Eye color: blue
Interests: Likes to play soccer, tennis, and softball, and enjoys snowboarding
Athletic teams/organizations: Kendra Wilkinson is a huge fan of the San Diego Chargers and the Philadelphia Eagles.

Favorite Color: Blue
Favorite TV show: "The Family Guy"
Favorite Movies: "The Godfather" trilogy, "Scarface" and "Goodfellas"
Favorite Actor: Johnny Depp
Favorite Actress: Angelina Jolie
Favorite Video Game: "Madden NFL 2006"


olivia_june said...


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