Fake Scary TV Monsters - Guest Post from Ajax

Friends, I know I promised the second half of Scariest Celebrities. My extra duties were done and we’d be back on track. But I’m just (counts on fingers) one man. I am so wiped out, and I’ve been trying to get today’s column done, which as you can see by your Inbox STILL isn’t posted. I’m just in bad shape here.

Enter Ajax.

For the second day in a row that man—nay, that god, has stepped in and saved my bacon. This is a true friend. In fact, I’m so indebted to him that I’m wiping his punishment for blasphemy off the books. Yes, I’m ignoring his GNR comments from earlier this week. A few hours ago I called his wife and told her it was off. That’s how moved I was.

In honor of the upcoming holiday Ajax has sent in a list of non-scary TV monster. (Not sure, but I think it’s also his tribute to that whatever-it-is on LOST island. Speaking of that island, we should name it. I’ll address that on thinkstoomuch later in the day.) Like yesterday, this is a pretty sweet list, and once again Ajax has supplied us with helpful links. If you know him and see him this weekend, go up and give him a “thank you” pinch on the bottom for me.

THE TOP TEN NON-SCARY TV MONSTERS

10. Count Floyd- SCTV

http://www.tvacres.com/horror_floyd.htm

Canada's answer to SNL's Father Guido Sarducci, star of Monster Chiller Horror Theatre.

9. The Munsters

http://www.munsters.com/home.html

Website officially hosted by Butch Patrick, aka Eddie Munster. Which is pretty amazing when you think of all the script offers he must have every day.

8. The Addams Family

http://www.morticiasmorgue.com/addams.html

Originally starting as a cartoon in the New Yorker, The A.F. was the less campy creepy-TV offering. As well, they had Thing and a very catchy theme song.

7. Sesame Street (we're completely ignoring Sesame Park)

http://pbskids.org/sesame/

Can you believe that despite having a green, irritable monster parked out in a garbage can out front, a counting vampire (You know why they call him the Count?), and a blue creature that routinely and summarily destroys every cookie he comes in contact with, no one believed Big Bird had a friend named Snuffleupagus?

6. The Muppet Show

http://muppets.go.com/main.html

Not all monsters, though I have no idea what Gonzo or Animal were. And that one big guy in the full suit who periodically ate everything... And Stadler and Waldorf were just plain mean.

5. Elvira, Mistress of the Dark

http://www.elvira.com/

Television's hottest child of the night. Makes Morticia Addams look like Barbara Walters in a black potato sack. A role-model for wannabe Goth girls everywhere.

4. Mike and Sullivan, Monsters Inc.

http://disney.go.com/disneyvideos/animatedfilms/monstersinc/index2.html

Just a couple of working stiffs, doing their jobs, terrifying pre-adolescents.

3. The Gorgs, Fraggle Rock

http://www.fragglerocker.com/

Yes, they were trying to catch and eat the fraggles, but they were also big and fat, and talked like 5 year olds.

2. The Friendly Giant

http://www.tvacres.com/child_friendlygiant.htm

Ran on Canadian television for about 25 years. Just a giant hanging around the house, singing songs and telling stories to his giraffe and rooster.

1. Samantha, Bewitched

http://www.tv.com/bewitched/show/140/summary.html

I could watch her wiggle her nose all day. Uh-oh! Darren's home!

-Ajax

This list was borrowed from another of Hyperion's sites: RANK EVERYTHING