TV Warrior: Bargain Matinee

A few weeks ago I joined Amazon Associates, which allowed me (in theory) to make a small % if anyone bought an Amazon product based off my recommendation. I was leery about this plan - I DON'T like the idea of pimping - but I reasoned that many of my columns discuss Movies and TV, and as long as I never compromised my professional Review opinion, why not? After all, you have to buy the stuff somewhere, why not buy it by clicking on one of my links?

If you noticed (or maybe you didn't), I haven't done this a whole lot. I never want my website to be Commercial, and am trying to use judicious selectivity. (That's why I wrote "in theory" in the above paragraph: so far no one has taken me up on my links.)

This brings me to yesterday, when I came across Movie prices so fantastic I couldn't pass them up. And, I wanted to pass them on to you. I'm not trying to be a corporate shill or anything, but wait until you see these prices. If you do like any of the options, feel free to use my links. Like I said, you'll be helping me out.

(The other reason I am doing this today: I can't guarantee how long the great prices will be available, so if you want it, snap it up now! Oh, and notice how I'm bringing you these great deals, which by definition lowers any commission I would make? Yeah, I'm a hero. Feel free to buy 3x as much because of this.)

SOLID RECOMMENDATIONS

MOTION IN THE OCEAN

I think we can all agree that Steven Soderberg hit it out of the park with the first OCEAN movie, as did Clooney, Pitt, et al. The two sequels had their moments, but were kinda misfires. That said, right now Amazon has all three current Ocean movies (OCEAN'S ELEVEN, OCEAN'S TWELVE, OCEAN'S THIRTEEN), plus also the 1960 Frank Sinatra Dean Martin original OCEAN'S 11 - all for $8.99. What did I say about amazing prices? I would pay $9 just for ELEVEN, so to get all four is an awesome deal.

ENOUGH ACTION TO PUT YOU IN TRACTION

Next up in the recommendations is what Amazon is calling the "Extreme Action" set. You get Wesley Snipes in PASSENGER 57 (which isn't great, but is strangely watchable because of all the cheesy lines). Then you get Bruce Willis and Damon Wayans in an undeniably bad movie that I somehow love - THE LAST BOYSCOUT. An underrated Arnold Schwarzenegger flick - also starring James Caan and a still-young-enough-to-be-super-hot Vanessa Williams - ERASER. Finally, my favorite of the four - Bridget Fonda and Gabriel Byrne in the sultry sleek THE POINT OF NO RETURN. I always watch this movie when it comes on TV, and it's even better on DVD because no editing! You get all four movies for only $7.99. That's 2 bucks a movie!!!

OFFICIAL STONE-CUTTERS RECOMMENDATION

What can I say about Police Academy movies? You love them...or you suck! I mean, c'mon! They got that guy from M*A*S*H - great bad guy. Hightower! Oh, and the sound-effects guy. What was his name? Well, I forget, but he's played by Michael Winslow, and how we didn't come up with a way to continually put him in TV and movies for the last 20 years is a collective failure for America. I think even Kim Cattrall was in one of the movies, back when she didn't need a walker and stuff. Hell - they made Steve Gutenberg look good. Beat that!

You get the first four Police Academy movies (POLICE ACADEMY, POLICE ACADEMY 2: THEIR FIRST ASSIGNMENT, POLICE ACADEMY 3: BACK IN TRAINING and POLICE ACADEMY 4: CITIZENS ON PATROL) for $7.99. Not even Kim Cattrall's that cheap!

MILD (VERY MILD) RECOMMENDATIONS

ON THE SLY

I'm not as big a Sly fan as some people, but back in the day he still could bring it. I do not recommend (but it's part of the package) - THE SPECIALIST (have you ever seen less chemistry than between Stallone and Stone? Ugh.), while I'm more so-so on OVER THE TOP. I have a soft spot in my heart for DEMOLITION MAN, mostly because it's our first look ever at Sandra Bullock and Wesley Snipes, who seems to be having a lot of fun. But what makes this four-pack (for only $7.49!) a winner is TANGO AND CASH, which is just about my favorite Stallone movie. Whereas Sly and Sharon couldn't generate ANY heat, Kurt and Sly just tear up the screen. Totally underrated mindless '80s movie, and makes the whole thing worth it.

WHEN BUDDHA MET BLACKBELT

If Steven Seagal is in on the joke he's one of the greatest comedians of all time. That's the thing with him - I can't tell. He may actually be taking himself seriously....which makes him even funnier. I haven't seen THE GLIMMER MAN, but it has another Wayans brother, and you can't tell me you've ever HATED any of them. I'm not saying they always make good stuff, but like the Baldwins, you can never just hate. FIRE DOWN BELOW is only so-so, and while Seagal's most famous movie is UNDER SIEGE, I never cared for it all that much, but hey, it's included. The one of these four I really kind of like is ABOVE THE LAW, which co-stars Sharon Stone, Pam Grier and Ron Silver, and has more cornball lines than an Iowa State Farm. Always cracks me up, and for $7.49, not bad if you like Seagal.

I CAN'T IN GOOD CONSCIENCE RECOMMEND ANY OF THE FOLLOWING, BUT THE PRICES ARE FANTASTIC, SO IF YOU'RE INTO IT, HAVE AT IT

Stephen King series - DREAMCATCHER, CREEPSHOW, CAT'S EYE (and the one I sorta like) DOLORES CLAIRBORNE - $7.49

HOUSE PARTY 1-4 - only for the haircuts and some pretty dope fly jiggy music. ($7.99)

THE BACHELOR, BED OF ROSES, LAWS OF ATTRACTION, DON JUAN DEMARCO - chicks, don't ever say I do nothing for you. I like about 15 minutes of LAWS OF ATTRACTION, and I can never get over how Marlon Brando is supposed to be sexy even looking like a bloated whale (not that I'm one to talk) - plus the DEMARCO one let's me tell my Bryan Adams story. You know the song (from the film) "Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?" - when Bryan sings "N' when you can see your unborn children in her eyes" - well, you know how he draws out "eyes" for like 6 syllables, and makes it kinda hard to understand? My mom was listening to that once with me and thought Bryan sang, "N' when you can see your unborn children in her a-a-ass." (Do NOT tell her I told you that story or she will be super mad at me.) - $7.49

To make my friend Carlos happy - you can get four Dracula movies, of questionable quality, but hey. You can get HORROR OF DRACULA, DRACULA HAS RISEN FROM THE GRAVE, THE BLOOD OF DRACULA and one I've actually seen (don't ask) - DRACULA A.D. Personally I feel these are only good if you're going to have a Mystery Science Theater 3000 type of party and make fun of them - which actually isn't a bad idea (and might get me to watch THE BACHELOR again) - but Carlos would want to defend the films as high quality. However, this is my column, not his, so they suck. ($7.49)