Comfort Wipe - Now you're Crappin' in Style!

As you're watching this commercial, I'd like you to focus on four "my life is incomplete without knowing!" questions. They are:

1) What "advantages" is the big guy talking about?

2) Why does the older woman pick up an accent as she's talking?

3) Although the commercial seems to strongly indicate that people dispose of toilet paper while standing, let's assume for the sake of argument that the Comfort Stick is going to have a lot in common with its second cousin the Shoehorn. Therefore, would you be any more comfortable using someone esle's Comfort Stick as you would be their tooth brush, deodorant, douche or suppository?

4) FINALLY: Whether you could use this product or not, would you sign a petition promising--under penalty of perjury--to buy it if they changed the name from COMFORT WIPE to POO STICK?