The Hoody Awards

THE HYPERION INSTITUTE FOR ADVANCED CALLIMASTIAN/CALLIPYGIAN/KICKASSIAN STUDIES PRESENTS:

the Hyperion Chronicles
“Hoodies in the House!”

#171 The Hoody Awards®

Heidi-Ho to all you out there in the Hyperion Nation. We’ve arrived at the most anticipated day since at least the Moon Landing, and possibly since November 8, A.D. 877, which is when Beowulf first came out on DVD. Yes, friends, it’s time for the First Annual Hoody Awards®! (Can you call yourselves “annual” when it’s your first? In a word: yes.) I asked you to vote on our own TV categories (named after Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood). I’ve listed the categories with the selections of the Hyperion Nation and My Picks (or choices, as my grandmother would insist), and any comments I have. I hope your favorite shows won.




BEST COMEDY
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Everybody Loves Raymond
Friends
My Wife and Kids
Scrubs
That ‘70s Show
Sex and the City
The Simpsons
Will and Grace

Hyperion Nation Winner: The Simpsons

My Pick: The Simpsons. I’ve really come to love Curb Your Enthusiasm, but after last night’s Halloween episode, I can’t see ever voting against this stalwart.

BEST CRIME-BASED DRAMA
Boomtown
C.S.I.
C.S.I. Miami
Law & Order
Law & Order S.V.U.
NYPD Blue
The Shield
Law & Order C.I.
Without a Trace

Hyperion Nation Winner: C.S.I.

My Pick: The Shield. While not for everyone, this is one of the three best shows on Television, daring to do what other shows are scared of. Truly inspired viewing.

BEST TRADITIONAL DRAMA
Alias
Angel
E.R.
Judging Amy
The Practice
Six Feet Under
The Sopranos
Twenty-Four
West Wing

Hyperion Nation Winner: 24

My Pick: 24 and Alias. These are the other two best shows on Television, so I couldn’t make a choice. Both are fantastic.

“OTHER”
Amazing Race
American Idol
Cops
The Daily Show
Iron Chef
Sesame Street
Sports Center
Survivor
Trading Spaces

Hyperion Nation Winner: Sesame Street

My Pick: Sports Center. They don’t have it up here (well, they do, but it’s a Canadian version, so all they talk about is Hockey). I really miss ESPN. Sniff Sniff.

BEST CURRENT CAST
Alias
C.S.I.
Everybody Loves Raymond
Friends
Twenty-Four
West Wing
Will and Grace

Hyperion Nation Winner: Friends

My Pick: West Wing. The show may have gone down in quality, but everyone one of those characters is excellent.

BEST ALL-TIME CAST
The A-Team
E.R.
Gunsmoke
Hill Street Blues
Mary Tyler Moore Show
M*A*S*H
Mission Impossible

Hyperion Nation Winner: M*A*S*H

My Pick: M*A*S*H. This got more votes than any other nominee in any other category. I have to agree the cast was indeed stellar.

BEST LOCATION
Stars Hollow, Connecticut (Gilmore Girls)
Cicely, Alaska (Northern Exposure)
Springfield, U.S.A. (The Simpsons)
Love Boat (Love Boat)
The Bar (Cheers)
Sesame Street (Sesame Street)
Sunnydale (Buffy)
Hawaii (Magnum P.I.)
Miami (Golden Girls)
Las Vegas (C.S.I.)

Hyperion Nation Winners (tie): The Bar-Cheers, and Sesame Street

My Pick: Springfield-The Simpsons. This is truly a crazy town with crazy characters, and never gets old to me.

BEST STORIES (Week in, week out)
Alias
Buffy
The Cosby Show
C.S.I.
Even Stevens
Friends
Law & Order
My So Called Life
Roseanne
West Wing

Hyperion Nation Winners (tie): C.S.I. and West Wing

My Pick: Buffy. All these shows have great storytelling, but there is nothing in the TV universe that compares to Buffy at it’s best, as far as storytelling goes.

BEST SPIN-OFF
Angel
Benson
C.S.I. Miami
A Different World
Frasier
Gomer Pyle
The Jeffersons
Knots Landing
Laverne and Shirley
Law & Order C.I.
Lou Grant
Melrose Place
Rhoda
The Simpsons

Hyperion Nation Winners: The Simpsons and Frasier

My Picks: The Simpsons and Frasier. Angel and Law & Order: CI got a lot of votes too, but these two were runaway winners, and it’s easy to see why.

BEST THEME SONG (WITH WORDS)
Cheers
Different Strokes
The Dukes of Hazzard
Facts of Life
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Gilligan’s Island
Green Acres
Happy Days
The Muppet Show
Saved By the Bell

Hyperion Nation Winners (tie): Happy Days, Cheers, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Gilligan’s Island, The Muppet Show, and Green Acres

My Pick: The Muppet Show. I actually downloaded every song from this and the next category, and have been listening to them while I compile all this data. (Talk about suffering for your Art!) I do love Dukes of Hazzard, but when it’s all said and done, 20 years from now I’ll still listen to the Muppet Song (although how could I forget the immortal Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?). Special Credit goes to Green Acres. I knew absolutely nothing about this show (I always got this and the Waltons confused), but after listening to the theme song I now understand the show’s set-up perfectly. I wish more shows would do this.


BEST THEME MUSIC
The Addams Family
Airwolf
The Andy Griffith Show
Bonanza
E.R.
Hill Street Blues
I Dream of Jeannie
M*A*S*H
West Wing
The X-Files

Hyperion Nation Winners (tie): Hill Street Blues and M*A*S*H

My Pick: Airwolf. This was another super tough one for me, realizing I left so many out (Knight Rider!). But as I listened to the selections, I couldn’t help but get excited every time Airwolf came on. One thing’s for sure: Gummy Bears is the worst ever


BEST CHEMISTRY (Pick two)
Josh & Donna (West Wing) Sam & Diane (Cheers)
Rob & Laura (Dick Van Dyke) Lucy & Ricky (I Love Lucy)
Entire cast of Friends Hawkeye & Margaret (M*A*S*H)
Bones & Spock (Star Trek) Buffy & Spike (Buffy)
Sydney & Vaughn (Alias) Archie & Edith (All in the Family)
Mulder & Scully (X-Files) Lorelai & Rory (Gilmore Girls)
Remington & Laura (Rem. Steele) Heathcliff & Clair (The Cosby Show)
Miss Kitty and Marshall Matt Dillon (Gunsmoke)

Hyperion Nation Winners (tie): Entire Cast of Friends, Mulder and Scully (X-Files), and Lorelai and Rory (The Gilmore Girls). This was super close. Who knew there were so many Gilmore Girls fans out there?

My Picks: Buffy and Spike (Buffy) and Rob and Laura (Dick Van Dyke). All of these are great choices, and you really can’t go wrong, but I love the palpable romantic tension between these characters the best.

BEST CAST CHANGES
Bewitched (Darrin)
Cheers (Rebecca & Woody)
E.R. (numerous)
Law & Order (numerous)
M*A*S*H (BJ, et al)
Spin City (Amanda)

Hyperion Nation Winner: Cheers (Rebecca and Woody)

My Pick: M*A*S*H (BJ et al). I liked the way Cheers did it too, but I’m amazed that M*A*S*H was able to change two key components and keep right on going (at least until Alan Alda got preachy).

WORST CAST CHANGES
Bewitched (Darrin)
Dukes of Hazzard (the good ol’ boys)
M*A*S*H (BJ et al)
90210 (Bringing Dylan back)
Roseanne (2nd Becky)
Three’s Company (blondes & Furley)

Hyperion Nation Winners (tie): Roseanne (2nd Becky) and Dukes of Hazzard (the good ol’ boys)

My Pick: Dukes of Hazzard. How can you replace Bo and Luke? (By the way, as someone who used to watch Dukes religiously with my younger brother, it always bothered me that Bo got to drive. The OLDER brother should always get to drive.)

WHEN GOOD SHOWS GO BAD
Ally McBeal
Andy Griffith
Dawson’s Creek
E.R.
Frasier
Friends
Happy Days
Roseanne
Saved by the Bell
Seinfeld
Will and Grace
The X-Files

Hyperion Nation Winners (tie): X-Files and Happy Days

My Pick: Dawson’s Creek. I realize Happy Days is why the term “Jump the Shark” was invented (when good shows go bad), but I never liked it in the first place. I did like Dawson’s Creek, though, and it getting bad was so sad. I would have said Frasier, but it looks like it’s back on form. As for Saved By the Bell: The College Years, much like Godfather III, it never happened.

GUILTY PLEASURES
A.L.F.
Ally McBeal
The Brady Bunch
Charmed
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Gilligan’s Island
Golden Girls
Love Boat
90210
Saved By the Bell
7th Heaven
Three’s Company

Hyperion Nation Winners (tie): Charmed, 7th Heaven, Saved by the Bell, Three’s Company, and 90210

My Pick: Saved By the Bell. I once watched a 24-hour marathon of Saved By the Bell. Who’s ever done that with a bad show? C’mon, raise your hands!

BEST CHARACTERS
Hawkeye (M*A*S*H) Festus (Gunsmoke)
Norm (Cheers) Klinger (M*A*S*H)
Cliff (Cheers) Niles (Frasier)
Barney Fife (Andy Griffith) Ted Baxter (MTM)
Fred Mertz (Lucy) Kramer (Seinfeld)
Buddy Sorrel (Dick Van Dyke) Oscar the Grouch (Sesame Street)
George Costanza (Seinfeld) Frasier (Cheers and Frasier)
Archie Bunker (All in the Family) Sally Rogers (Dick Van Dyke)
Homer (The Simpsons) Eric Cartman (South Park)
Bull (Night Court) Rerun (What’s Happening)
Laverne (Laverne and Shirley) Murdock (The A-Team)
Sophia (Golden Girls)

Hyperion Nation Winners (in descending order of most votes): Hawkeye (M*A*S*H), Homer (Simpsons), Niles (Frasier), Kramer (Seinfeld), Barney Fife (Andy Griffith)

My Picks: Homer (Simpsons), Buddy Sorrell (Dick Van Dyke), and Spike (Buffy). So many good ones here. I could do a whole series just on this!

BEST VILLAINS
Destro (G.I. Joe)
Gary (Cheers)
J.R. Ewing (Dallas)
Louie (Taxi)
Lt. Decker (The A-Team)
Mr. Burns (The Simpsons)
The Olson Twins (anything)
Nina (24)
Sloane (Alias)
Spike (Buffy)

Hyperion Nation Winner: Mr. Burns (Simpsons)

My Pick: Destro (G.I. Joe). Destro rules!


WORST SHOW

We had so many write in votes! I’m listing everything that got at least five:

Hyperion Nation Winners: Leave it to Beaver, The Simpsons (Grr!), Roseanne, Xena, Warrior Princess, Paradise Hotel, Cop Rock, Green Acres, Friends, Survivor, The Nanny, Saved By the Bell, Joanie Loves Chachi, Anna Nicole Show, Seinfeld (what are you people smoking?), and Emeril Sitcom

My Pick: the one and (please God: I’ll build several small churches in your honor if it’s) the only: Full House. Close runner up: Small Wonder.

That’s the Hoody Awards® for this year. I hope you enjoyed them. Thanks to all of you who voted. And for those of you who didn’t: let me just say I’m very disappointed in you. Something was missing. Let’s call it heart.

But, there’s always next year, so until then, remember to spay and neuter your cousins!


Hyperion
November 03, 2003

Credits
Thanks to all who voted and suggested Nominees
Thanks to Laureate for Editing ideas

Motto Explanation
Have you seen those insipid Old Navy commercials that replicate former TV shows, like Brady Bunch and Green Acres? Well, there’s this one where they are selling hooded sweatshirts (called hoodies; you’ve seen them), as if it’s a game of Family Feud. When the girls win, they jump around yelling, “Hoodies in the house!” and I go look for a Frisbee to commit seppuku.